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Donna

Tearful of Brum

Hi. I’m very new to all this. I was diagnosed at the end of November last year and had my tumour removed on 9th Jan. Have since been back to the hospital and it was all good news. They had managed to remove it all (along with a big chuck of my bowel!) and the lymph nodes were all clear so no further treatment is needed. I feel incredibly lucky when I consider what might have been. Especially as it was all found completely by accident! So here I am 5 weeks after my op and everything is going well I think. The odd twinge when I move too fast or reach too far or generally do something I shouldn’t be doing! 😐 However, I have spent most of today in tears! I watched this weeks Cold Feet episode and it started me off and I’ve hardly stopped since! This is so not like me. This is probably the most I’ve cried during this whole process. Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone else? I just feel so sad today and have no energy to do anything. Fingers crossed tomorrow will be better. Anyway, sorry for rambling.

Deemar

@Donna I am sure others will soon be along. In the meantime I would just reassure you that all your feelings are absolutely normal. You have been through a hugely stressful time - often while having treatment etc you are almost shell- shocked. It is only now that you are beginning to process it all. It is still very early days - be especially kind to yourself.

Donna

Thank you. You’re right. I do feel like I’m only just beginning to realise what a huge thing it is. Tomorrow is a different day. 🙂

Salgal

@Donna I totally get it, my mop up chemo finished 4 weeks ago, and I should be happy but have found myself very tearful most days, and I too watch Cold Feet, pass more tissues and a glass of wine 😊 gentle hugs :x::x::x:

Calleyh

I just want to give you a big hug. I’m no expert but it’s probably delayed shock. As you’ve held it together since November, this will have been a huge strain. Be glad that it’s all worked out and be kind to yourself as @Deemar says. Have a good cry if you still need it. Let it all out.

I too watched Cold Feet and found myself in tears. The thing is, we know our own feelings at the stage her character is at. Seeing it was hard. Big hugs.

Donna

@Salgal @Calleyh Thank you so much for your replies. It’s nice to hear from people who know exactly what I mean. I’ve got family and friends and a great support system but it’s just not the same. I think I’m all cried out...for now! Dreading next weeks episode of Cold Feet. I’ll make sure I’ve got a box of tissues to hand! :x::x:

lujabuck

@Donna bless you ......totally normal!! Tears don't always hit at the predictable difficult bits...maybe that's when we hold ourselves together and focus on whatever the treatment is. I am not a stranger to crying, never have been, but still find it a little scary when i get overwhelmed and am not sure why. However my experience is that if you embrace it and try and let it out it seldom does any harm and often actually does good. Hoping today is less weepy for you....but if it isn't know there are plenty of us weeping along with you! Much love :x:

Donna

@lujabuck thank you. Today has been a lot less weepy, thankfully. Although my eyes are suffering from it all! At least I know I’m not having a breakdown just yet, which is very reassuring. If it happens again I will definitely just curl up in a ball somewhere and go with it...and grab the chocolate! 😁 :x::x:

DSussex

Hi @Donna, I’m so glad for you that your treatment went well, all the best for hopefully a long and healthy life ahead of you now. I’m thinking the same as @Calleyh that this is delayed shock. That events happened so quickly to you, you didn’t have time to truly absorb it and see through the cycle of emotions. Possibly an empty feeling afterwards too, simular to an anti climax, with the intense attention on you over.

It’s healthy that you are able to let out all your tears. Obviously should it continue, get help from your GP. Just be kind to yourself, doing all the little things you like in life. :x::x:

Donna

Hi there @DSussex definitely thinking it’s delayed shock and just the enormity of what’s happened finally sinking in. It’s all been such a whirlwind. 65 days from them saying they’ve found a tumour to being told it’s all gone and no further treatment needed. All very quick and rushed and now I’m only just finding time to realise what happened. Not used to having so much time on my hands either so lots of time to think. But, onward and upwards I go. Before I know it I’ll be moaning about not having time again because I’ll be back at work and everything will be back to normal. Until then, rest and recuperation it is! 🙂 :x:

lujabuck

@Donna i too am recuperating and not really appreciating all the time on my hands.....but like you kind of know time is precious and want to enjoy the slower pace if i can. Tricky though!! I don't know if you like doing anything creative, but i always find that is quite therapeutic.

Donna

@lujabuck I’m only used to doing creative stuff in the classroom surrounded by kids. 😂 I’ve taken the time to catch up on my reading and box sets on Netflix. It’s been quite nice but now I’m feeling a bit more energetic I’ve started going out for walks. Adjusting to a slower pace is pretty hard!! :x::x:

lujabuck

@Donna my walks are getting a bit longer each day.....but it's at a snails pace!!! Driving me mad!
I love creativity with kids....shame my two aren't keen, i have to rope in others 🤣, worked well when i childminded.
:x:

Donna

@lujabuck I know what you mean about a snails pace. I walked into city centre. Usually takes me 15 mins and it took me over 30! Sooooo slow!! But we will get there. Slow and steady is the way forward. :x: