Relatives and friends

Sanddancer

Mam just diagnosed - stage 4

I'm new to the forum and seek some advice and reassurance. I took my Mam to A&E on three separate occasions (once by car, twice by ambulance) as she had four weeks of severe sickness and diarrhoea. She collapsed in A&E once (taken to resus), was discharged with anti-sickness tablets and told it was gastroenteritis - twice! My Mam doesnt like to make a fuss however on our third trip to A&E I insisted we see a different doctor as they again were going to send her home. Thank goodness he did an x-ray and then scan - she had surgery the next day to remove the bowel blockage - the size of a small grapefruit! After what seems like forever, we found out she has bowel cancer (T4N1) and we are seeing the oncologist next week. The cancer had also spread to some lymph nodes which they removed along with 20 inches of bowel. However they're not sure if remaining lymph nodes are clear so want her to have some chemotherapy. My Mam was really shocked and upset - my sister and I are naturally telling her how lucky she has been and with the op being a success, the chemo just finishes off her treatment, but she's not convinced. I still feel so angry about the way she was dismissed / misdiagnosed and numb at the same time, bursting into tears over the slightest thing. My Mam appears to be positive but I feel she is bottling up her true feelings. The apointment can't come soon enough but I am so scared as to what comes next. Thanks for listening :x:

mem

Just to say @Chelts. The only letter and number that makes bowel cancer stage four is M1. T is for tumour, N is for nodes and M is metastasis. T4 relates to the tumour only and not the overall stage of cancer. Any node involvement (N1 or N2) followed by M0 makes it stage three. I had a T3 tumour but was stage four because of M1 :x::x:

Chelts
Quote from @mem:
Just to say @Chelts. The only letter and number that makes bowel cancer a stage four is M1. T is for tumour, N is for nodes and M is metastasis. T4 relates to the tumour only and not the overall stage of cancer. Any node involvement (N1 or N2) followed by M0 makes it stage three. I had a T3 tumour but was stage four because M1

Thanks for clarifying

Hans

@Sanddancer sorry to read this = poor you all! You must be agonising over the uncertainty. Well, mam is now on the mend which is great. Let me surround you all with peace =
Thinking of you all at this time
Hans :x::x::x:

Sanddancer
Quote from @mem:
Just to say @Chelts. The only letter and number that makes bowel cancer stage four is M1. T is for tumour, N is for nodes and M is metastasis. T4 relates to the tumour only and not the overall stage of cancer. Any node involvement (N1 or N2) followed by M0 makes it stage three. I had a T3 tumour but was stage four because of M1

Thanks for clarifying. No one at our appointment mentioned any M! I need to ask more questions based upon what you've mentioned. So, without an M sounds positive ?

Bear G

I’d agree @Sanddancer
Lots of people get confused with T4 and stage 4. As @mem said, so far you know your Mam has stage 3 cancer as it’s spread into the lymph nodes. The critical thing is whether it has spread to other organs (metastases, the M), has she had a CT scan?
Sounds like it’s worth chatting with her team to clarify things.
Big hugs
Bear
:x::x:

Sanddancer

Hi BearG, The cancer nurse definitely said it was T4N1 as it has grown through all 4 layers of the bowel and affected 2 lymph nodes. I remember her saying it was Stage4 - as I felt sick when i heard those words - everthing else was a blur. She didn't mention any M at all. The only CT scan she had was to determine why she was being so poorly (sickness) and that's when they discovered the tumour. I'll certainly ask on Tuesday when we see the oncologist. Thanks for your guidance :x:

Jomo9

@Sanddancer I am T4N1M0 so fingers crossed your mum is the same. I think that they would have told you were it has spread to if she was Stage 4. Good luck on Tuesday :x::x:

EssexDan

This sounds like stage 3 but T4 size.
We have seen this confusion several times here from people. Including myself!! I was T4N2....Stage 3.

greyhound gal

Yep, same here. T4N2M0 and Stage 3.
You should get clarification tomorrow from the oncologist @Sanddancer, but it does sound like your mam is Stage 3 especially if there was no mention of any M.
We now record our meetings (get permission first) so that we don’t miss anything that’s said,
Best wishes for tomorrow, Wendy :x::x:

lisa7

Hi @Sanddancer very sorry to hear of your mother delay in diagnosis. We were in a similar boat last august. Myself and my sister @Aisling00 knew dad was very ill losing weight and was vomiting. Dad was hospitalized three times. They wouldnt listen about his bowels and focused on his stomach. Local hospital kept sending our dad home with anti acid tablets. Three month delay in diagnosis. We had to push for a colonoscopy. Only then did they find tumour T3. One thing ive learned is we know by our dad when hes not well. We have learned to act and not to always listen to doctors. Always get second options. we even contact politician to get an urgent mri. @Sanddancer our story is very similar to your mothers story. Keep strong and positive. Myself and my sister @Aisling00 find this forum very helpful and all the support from everyone keeps us determined. Did your mother get a pet scan ct. Our father is going for it today. Sending best wishes to you and your mum :x::x::x:

Sanddancer

Hi Lisa7, Thanks for your post and sorry to hear of the dreadful treatment of your Dad. Mam did have a pet ct scan and was fine during and afterwards. Got everything crossed for you and your Dad today xx Hoping for some good news for you all :x::x:

Sanddancer
Quote from @greyhound gal:
Yep, same here. T4N2M0 and Stage 3.
You should get clarification tomorrow from the oncologist @Sanddancer, but it does sound like your mam is Stage 3 especially if there was no mention of any M.
We now record our meetings (get permission first) so that we don’t miss anything that’s said,
Best wishes for tomorrow, Wendy

Thanks Wendy. Recording the meeting is a great idea. I'll certainly get clarification at our meeting tomorrow :x:

Sanddancer
Quote from @EssexDan:
This sounds like stage 3 but T4 size.
We have seen this confusion several times here from people. Including myself!! I was T4N2....Stage 3.

Oh - I see. If you don't mind my asking did you have chemo too? How are you now? :x:

Sanddancer
Quote from @Jomo9:
@Sanddancer I am T4N1M0 so fingers crossed your mum is the same. I think that they would have told you were it has spread to if she was Stage 4. Good luck on Tuesday

Thank you so much - very reassuring. If you don't mind my asking, how are you now? :x:

DianeS

Hi @sandancer just wanted to say hello and welcome to our forum. I can’t really add anything else to what our other lovely forum members have already said. I was also mid-diagnosed by my GP until I passed out and was taken to A&E, I’m lucky to be here as my bowel was completely blocked and was in danger of rupturing. I had a resection and chemo and that was 4 years ago. Wishing you and your family lots of luck, and Im so pleased you have found our forum. Diane :x::x:

Mrs2017

Hi, my husband was T4N2 shows as stage 3c on his paperwork, he’s just coming up to a year post chemo, 1st year scan is looming. All the best for tomorrow, Chris :x::x:

EssexDan
Quote from @Sanddancer:
Oh - I see. If you don't mind my asking did you have chemo too? How are you now?

Am having chemo now. But it is going drastically wrong for me so dont use me as any type of guide.

Sanddancer

Sorry to hear that 🙁 wishing you all the best :x:

bettebette

Best wishes to your mum for a good appointment today @Sanddancer :x::x:

Sanddancer
Quote from @DianeS:
Hi @sandancer just wanted to say hello and welcome to our forum. I can’t really add anything else to what our other lovely forum members have already said. I was also mid-diagnosed by my GP until I passed out and was taken to A&E, I’m lucky to be here as my bowel was completely blocked and was in danger of rupturing. I had a resection and chemo and that was 4 years ago. Wishing you and your family lots of luck, and Im so pleased you have found our forum. Diane

Hi Diane, Glad to hear your op was a success and you are well again. What an absolute ordeal for you! X I've learnt lots from the forum already :x: