Stage 4 bowel cancer

tmac63

When it all gets to much!

Hi am new to the forum, so hello. Am having a bad time dealing with everything!.

I was diagnosed December 2017 with stage 4 bowel cancer that had spread to my liver. 2018 started with 3 months of chemotherapy, then in the July I had a liver resection, which for many reasons completely knocked me for six, then in September I had a bowel resection. In the January 2019 I was told everything went well and even though I would never be cured the cancer was inactive and I would have scans every six months to keep an eye on things. So I felt like I could start getting myself better and enjoy doing every day things again, get my life back.

Had my first CT scan in January an the cancer had returned to my liver, I was booked in for Pet scan and it showed it has gone to my lungs. So once again its radiotherapy and surgery.

I just feel like I've had enough already, am so fed up of my life being hospital appointments , MRI CT and Pet scans and surgery. Am in so much pain constantly that I don't get to do normal things like going for a coffee or shopping or just being with my family.

Am I doing this whole cancer thing wrong . I've read posts on this forum and you all seem to be coping a lot better than me, please if you can give me any advice I would be so grateful.

Thank you from the not always this miserable Tracey

Gypsy

Dear Tracey @tmac63 . You've been through so much in a short space of time- no wonder you feel as you do and you have now been plunged back in again. It's frankly horrible for you and you are in pain too. I feel you need to cut yourself a whole lot more slack and be kinder to yourself- I doubt anyone else would cope better, I certainly would not. So no more beating yourself up and if it helps to let it all out on here then do it and you'll receive lots of sympathy. What are they doing about the pain? I feel that's a good place to start. If the pain can be better controlled then at least you have a chance of being able to enjoy those things that you mention again.
I really am sorry that all this has happened to you and am sending love, hugs and strength for the next round of treatment.
Love Gypsyxxxxx

tmac63

Thank you so much for your kind words, they are very comforting. I am in the middle of sorting out pain relie, I've had to have lots of test and scan to see what's causing it and look into rheumatic symptoms, so once again it's been a long process. Hopefully it will get sorted soon.
Thank you
❤ Tracey

determinedjoan

I, too, am thinking of u & sending Love & hugs 🤗; u hv been through so much already & r now likely to be facing further treatments so I completely understand why you’re feeling low. Do u hv a nice 👍Gp u can talk to ? Perhaps a small dose of antidepressants might hv a place while u try to get your head around everything, &/or some counselling?
Take good yourself & keep us posted :x:

tmac63

Thank you. Today I have spoken to Macmillan to see about getting some support. It's hard talking to people who don't really understand, that's why I think these forums are so good and am thankful I've found this one, your all lovely and the comments and support really help.
Thank you again for your reply ❤ Tracey

Kate M

Hi @tmac63. So sorry to hear you have been through so much. I'm glad you are sorting out the pain - there's nothing more debilitating. Also glad you have approached Macmillan for support. Please don't think your'e doing this cancer thing wrong - there's no right or wrong only what is right for us and that can be different every day. Let's hope they get the pain sorted out soon so that you can get back to doing those important 'normal' things. Big hugs Kate M :x::x:

tmac63

Thank you Kate ❤
It is a hard long journey and it takes time to adjust I think.

determinedjoan

Yes.
💗& 🤗

cyclingjohnny

hi tracey, you have been on a journey, and you need to be giving yourself a massive pat on the back for how you have handled your situation, you are doing nothing wrong, because dealing with cancer is a massive drain on your mind and body,you keep on doing what your doing and you will come out of the other side, big hugs and all the best, cheers john. :x::x::x::x:

Lexi

@tmac63 Gosh I could have written your post, everything you have described has also happened to my husband, even the reaccurance in the liver then spread to the lungs, I think the only difference is that you are expressing how you feel and that is a good thing. It so unfair and perfectly normal to feel the way you do! We have made lots of holistic changes to try and shift the sinking feeling xxx such a long road isn’t sending you a hug 🤗

tmac63

Hi Lexi so sorry to hear your husband is going through the same, it's a horrible battle we face. Sending love and hugs to both of you, thank you for your kind reply 🤗❤

Sele2017

@tmac63 so sorry to hear your feelings, you have been through a lot and is understandable! This cancer journey is a very lonely journey and only someone who has been through the same experience will understand. Please hang on there is the battle we are facing and we have to beat it. Sending you love and hugs.❤️

tmac63

Thank you ❤