Regular user
Male 71 y.o.

For me, I try to help others but it's a hard business. I think you are all wonderful.
The emotional part for the partner is from
seeing their cancer person in pain or in emotional pain.
Seeing their loved one look different, operation scars, stoma bags etc
Stress about the future, being on your own, making decisions, possible loss of the loved one, getting older without support.
Stress of the unknown and includes operation and scan outcomes, the long term effect of chemo and the survival and the risk of recurrence.
Is a long list and cumulates the longer the cancer carries on. Its a radical change and may include arguments about treatment, Googles, etc. You see the partner is locked out of decisions, they can't phone the cancer nurses, they are never asked, the gp hasn't time, interest or the skills

thought there are a few rules to being a partner of someone with cancer.
1 Look after yourself, this is a time off stress and your body can react to this stress.
2 Don't take advice from friends of people who say they know better.'uncle George had this, they did that and he was fine. I know all about cancer etc...'. NO! This is your journey,tell them that you have your own team and follow there advice only.
3 Keep strong for your cancer fighter!! You have to be there for her, so take out your feeling on the forum, exercise or save them for later!
4 This is a members only club! No one knows what it's like unless they have been through it themselves. So don't discuss or listen to know-all busibodies
5 This is your journey.Life will equip you for it as you go and you will find strength to cope and be fine.
6 Reach out to those who can help and Share on the forum with us. We do understand and can help. Be yourself here. You didn't deserve this, or needed it. But it's still a beautiful World and you are not alone

I am working in a large Supermarket, although 71, so my days a full of noise and busy things. My escape world is things German and I find this is a 'place' I can go to away from the immediate stress of the present, I love the language and culture. I am learning the language on my own. Its a way I cope with my poor darling wifes cancer. We met 20 years ago - I was always on my own before and I was surprised to find her and very happy. We have had a lovely marriage and life until she had rectal cancer C3 from March 2013. Bowel cancer is in her family and has passed down from the great grandparents - through to my mum in law and now my darling wife. It has been a tough time and the clouds darken again with a liver met recently popping up. This was removed successfully last September (2016) and now she is on Xeloda for 6 months. This has been a struggle as she has had side effects and the dose is now 50%. She kept the stoma bag - fearing any non-essential operations (I totally agree). Anne gets flash-backs of the operations and treatment.
It is now August 10th 2017 and Anne is in remission. No cancer found and last CEA 0.9, We will be attending hospital every three months.
And today 30th October 18 = still in remission with CEA 0.6. We have a scan 4th January 2019.
Its now 25th January 19 and seen the onc. The scan was clear of any Bowel Cancer BUT they think the endometrial lining has thickened and this needs further investigation. We are both really upset!! Doctor Google says it maybe be nothing more than a reaction to previous chemo. Now we await tests...
Ha further tests now show that the womb is normal and she is cancer free.
I am humbled to find here a place of peace support and discussion. I think the cancer journey needs much generosity.
My own journey during this time was to reduce my work to two days a week and to keep exercising. Co-inciding with her liver met - I had a frozen shoulder and then this January 2019 I had the return of the frozen shoulder; later this year in July I had shingles in my head. I was also found to have unstable blood pressure and opted to take Amlodipine 5mg to chill out the blood pressure. I never drink or smoke BTW and am a healthy weight.
I coped with sleepplessness with a Lavender pill every evening and sometimes a Asda herbal sleeping pill.
December 2019 We feel as though we have been through a ton of stress. I still do my 2 days in the supermarket and we now await the scan in mid January that marks the 3 years since the liver met. So far so good.
Today is 30th January 2020. We have just heard that her scan is totally clear and cea 1.6
And today 27th May 2020 CEA is 1.7
What a wonderful New Year present. We both cried. After seven years of hell we are slowly tiptoeing away from MrC!! And that is my prayer for everyone here
Well its now 20 Dec 20. Anne's CEA has gone up 2.1. The nurse isn't worried, but now we wait for the scan in the new year. She looks well and is energetic
28th January 2021 the scan is clear! Celebrating ! Next scan in 12 months.
Maybe we have beaten the cancer!
Today is 15th June and we have just returned from a routine colonoscopy. The lower bowel was clear but inflammed like it has colitis or chrons. More than that there is a couple of strictures so they couldn't complete the test. Very stressed.Whatdoes it mean?
18 8 2021 today we hear confirmation that her virtual colonoscopy is clear, cancer clear!!
Today is the 19th February 2022 and we are waiting for my wife's scan results to be reported. Such stress! !
It's all delayed die to the covids. Today 24th February 2022 we hear that its all clear of cancer. Anne is cancer free.
Release!! The risk of recurrence is dropping