Just Diagnosed


Blame myself

Hi I'm new to the forum.

Diagnosed this week with colon cancer during first routine colonoscopy. Apparently a circumferential tumour of the sigmoid colon. Over a long period of time have passed off occasional blood in stools as piles as I have suffered with them in the past. Went to doctors last year and he said there was nothing to worry about.

I have been told that I will get some feedback tomorrow on the results of the colonoscopy, a scan and blood tests I had on the same day. I've already been told I will need an operation. I'm beside myself with worry that they will tell me the cancer is advanced and would have had a better prognosis if caught earlier. I blame myself entirely for this.

Since being told I have cut myself and wont talk to my wife about this. We haven't told the kids until I| know more. I'm convinced I'm going to die sooner than later. Spent the last few days on the internet looking up anything to do with cancer e.g. survival rates, people who have died of colon cancer etc - all negative and morbid stuff.

I know I am wallowing but can't stop myself. Can't sleep (even with sleeping pills) not hungry and totally consumed in my own self pity.

Help please!


Hi @rick345, please, please please don’t blame yourself. I ignored my symptoms and put it down to piles (I’d previously been diagnosed with piles 10 years earlier and had even gone private to have my colon checked out). I honestly didn’t think there was anything sinister going on in there, until the bleeding became a regular occurrence and when I finally had it checked out the doctor performing the colonoscopy told me it had been there for ‘a very long time’ and said ‘I hope everything will be ok’ ... I felt I’d just been given my death sentence. I made myself sick with worry, even developing psychosomatic pains. Then eventually I somehow digested the fear and told myself if this is what my mind can do to the negative what can it do for the positive.... of course this was helped by my eventual staging and the positivity I received from my surgeon and her team of nurses. Just like @1234annie, it changed my outlook for the better and now I have far more appreciation for my life and others. If it helps, take a look at my profile and if you’d like more information please feel free to personal message me. We are all here for you. A huge hug from me ❤️


Hi All,

Seen the surgeon today and he wants to go straight to surgery and I am booked in for the operation next Tuesday. That will only be three weeks after my colonoscopy! Had all my pre-op tests today and they were fine. He is reluctant to stage my tumour past t3xx? as there is a spot on my lung which needs a MRI scan to identify whether this is a legion or cyst. He says this should not delay the surgery though. The actual staging will be determined after the tumour is tested in the lab. This will determine whether I need chemo or not. Is this normal?

Feel slightly better now I have a treatment plan but have a lot of info to absorb from today's visit to the hospital. Now worried about the op. I'm sure I'm not wired up right!

Rick :x:


This all sounds really positive @rick345!

You will feel a bit anxious about your op, it’s only natural but just think, you’ll wake up and the nasty will be gone!

We’ll all be right beside you cheering you on!




Hi @rick345

As Baxter says, this all sounds very positive. Yes, the final staging is determined after the histology tests from the surgery. If it is a low stage that is really good, if higher then 'mop up ' chemo is an option.

Someone else is waiting for surgery and has been given lots of information , will look and see....


@oakie ...ileostomy in a week's time (a few posts down)

Gary not Gavin

Hi Rick firstly stop the googling we all do this and get the wrong information and completely incorrect own diagnosis. Stick with the oncologist. Nurses etc and try to wait for the facts first. Once the the NHS starts your get treatment plans,option and support with correct information.
Think we all go through the sleepless night and self pity and worry about our love ones.
Talk to your partner as they might suspect your worrying and they thinking the worse. Try talking like i did, my wife has been brilliant every step of the way going to every appointment. Asking question, reassuring me, making me laugh she has been a real tonic.
Stop thinking the worst!!.

Gavin :x:


Hi @rick345 , looks like we both are going for chop on same day. Not had results of my post radiotherapy scans yet as MDT on 2nd but already booked for surgery on Tues. getting myself organised best I can.
Best wishes to you :x::x::x:


From discovery, staging, surgery to release from hospital for me was almost exactly one month. You are on a similar track it sounds. I had never before spent a day in the hospital and wanted to keep it to a minimum. Try to keep the self administered pain medications to a minimum. They slow the digestive process and that's what has to happen to get released. Nurses will want you to get up and move what will seem like too soon. It's not. They don't want to hurt you but know it is best. It will be very painful first time but you will learn quickly how to get out of bed without using your abdominal muscles. Roll onto your side, get one arm under you to push and a hand on the rail to leverage yourself up. It really sucks the first time but you will be super glad you got yourself moving since its a movement that gets you out. I can tell you the liquid diet gets old really fast and passing some gas to get something more solid is the goal. Solids are the only thing that can pass so you want to start on them as soon as the nurses will allow. The bottom line is getting up and walking. You will be dragging the IV rack with you, just get used to it. Try to keep the gown tied in back or your bum may get a little chill on those long walks around the floor. Despite the surgeon having to open me up and a projected 5 to 7 days in the hospital I was released on day four. You can do this. Ain't no thing.


@rick345 my heart goes out to you buddy. I know how scarey this time can be. More positive now that you have a plan to demolish the cancer! If it helps at all I was diagnosed stage 4 at age of 41. This made me inelligible for surgery so I went straight to palliative Chemo. I'm 42 coming on 43 now and still here and active! Hell I'm still working 30 hours a week as a Cancer nurse specialist! So dig deep my friend. You got this and we are all right behind you xxx Lanky Yankee


Thanks for your feedback guys. It all helps believe me.



Straight to surgery is a great result man. Your gonna knock this out the park!


Hi @rick345

Some really useful advice from @KCUglyDogBoy .

Hello and welcome KC! Glad to hear you are doing so well and pleased that you can now support others.

And hello @LankyYankee. Lovely to hear from you but don't overdo things. :x::x:


Hi @rick345
I have just recently undergone my bowel cancer surgery for the removal of a tumour. it happened so quickly one, day I see my doctor and two weeks later I am in having surgery. This was just before christmas, and like you I thought the end of the world was here, 4/5 weeks on and I am feeling very uplifted and have just ask to start my voluntary work again,I try not to think about it too much, I don't want it to rule me, I will rule it, this has made me strong and in a strange way looking forward to starting my chemo next week for 12 weeks. I am about to take my medicine in my eyes and it will soon be done. For the record, I attended early with my symptoms, or so I thought, and was told the tumour was small, unfortunately for me it was also T3 and very aggressive, it had already broken through the wall of my bowel and infected 2 of my lymph nodes, which along with 40 others have been removed. I remember after having my colonoscopy they told me I had a lesion, but somehow I just knew it was more than that, so the first question I asked my specialist was what was the survival rate, and to my surprise I was informed it was very curable, so I have hung on the that, it has given me great hope. I now have a stoma which I have been told is temporary and booked in for reversal after the chemo, that was hard to get used to, body image and all of that. This has been a double whammy for me I was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 years ago, and have just been finishing my reconstruction surgery, which I have put on hold indefinitely, it seems so ridiculous now, trying to look normal, it just doesn't matter any more. My aims now are seeing my grandchildren grow and attend university, maybe even getting married and having children of their own, which might be asking too much, but I have to have a future to look forward too, we all need that. So keep fighting the good fight, and if your children are not too young, then tell them, they deserve to know, mine were so upset I had not shared this with them. I am sending you all my heart felt wishes and whatever happens, think good thoughts, stay positive and don't stop planning things for the future always have something to look forward to. D


Well done @deedeedokey glad to hear you doing so well and feeling so positive. :x::x:


Thanks @deedeedokey that really helps. Getting to the stage where I dread going to or receiving a call from the hospital in case it's more bad news. I hope I can be as positive as you when the surgery is over.



During pre op tests my operation I asked what my CEA level is and the nurse said 65. Never seen a level as high as this on the forum. Trying to stay positive but more to worry about before I go in.


Hi again Rick,
please don't worry more before you go in, if it is not a positive thought, then shut it out of your head. think of now and today, think of your recovery from the surgery and what you can plan when you are feeling better. I always had planned in my head a trip to London with the girls, never really thinking it would come off, but it is all booked now and I am going at the end of this month. think of a family get together and feel their love I promise it will help you become stronger, so many people who care for you, it has given me such an overwhelming warm feeling of love which I have wrapped around myself like a comfy blanket. Listen to your body when you are tired, then sleep or rest, it will tell you when you have done too much and need to do this. Keep yourself upbeat, we can't change anything, and it will help others help you! I will be thinking of you, keep in touch please. sending you a hug down this computer. :x:


Thanks deedeedokey I'm trying to be positive. Had a rock bottom point today but come out of that a bit now. Started a list of things I want to do when I've recovered. Just want the op over now and not long to wait.

Thanks so much. Will keep in touch

Rick :x:


please do, look forward to hearing from you
Dee :x:

Quote from @rick345:
During pre op tests my operation I asked what my CEA level is and the nurse said 65. Never seen a level as high as this on the forum. Trying to stay positive but more to worry about before I go in.

My CEA was 6,717 when I started chemotherapy. It went down to 45, but has now gone back up to 240. I'm Stage 4 incurable, no surgery, and on fortnightly palliative chemotherapy. But I'm still going strong and 18 months since diagnosis. Try hard to work on all the positive aspects that you can think of and list them! Hope you're doing okay @rick345.