Just Diagnosed


Frightened isn't the word..

Hi everyone,

My partner(56) was diagnosed on sat after a colonoscopy that he had rectal cancer.

He has had on going issues for nearly a year, with 3 doctor visits for loose bowels/ mucous/bloating etc and even being in the age range and having red flag symptoms he was always just offered a rectal exam and told it was probably ibs.

Latest visit in Dec prompted a urgent 2 week referral for a colonoscopy which he had on Sat 27th Jan. Dr explained during colonoscopy that it looks to have spread (not sure if this is possible to know from colonoscopy) and this has obviously started a 4 day frenzy of mad googling and convincing myself he must have stage 4 and it must have spread everywhere.

We are obviously devastated at the diagnosis..barely getting through each day at the moment. He had MRI today and CT scan has been scheduled for Tuesday so although things are in place it's just such a frightening time.

I suppose what I'm asking is does this really get any easier? We Feel like our world has been turned upside down. We have tried to concentrate on the positives- that many people successfully fight this, but the overwhelming fear that it has already spread due to the year of misdiagnosis always comes back to bite us.

Sorry to rant but in a very scary overwhelming place right now and I want to be as strong as I can for him.

Cece :x:

Polly 1

Hello and welcome @CeceH sorry you have to join us here but its the best place to be for help tips and advice from people who really know what you are going through.

I was in the same place as you 5 years ago and its not a nice place to be. Too many unknowns and what ifs and worry. It sounds like your team are sorting things out for your partner and you will soon be in a position to know what is going on. You just have to sit tight and wait for all the tests to be completed so they have a full idea of what you and your partner are up against.

You probably wont believe this now but once a plan is in place, whatever it is, you will feel better ready to tackle things one at a time.

At the meeting with the surgeon or oncologist try and be with your partner an extra pair of ears is very helpful. You will be given lots of information and the chance to ask questions so a notebook and pen will be very useful!

If you want you can apply to join the private 'relative to relative' section of the forum where we carers/partners can help and support each other.

Anything you want to know just ask. All the best x

PS click on my name for 'our story' so far


Good evening @CeceH and a very warm welcome to the forum! I’m sure you’ll find this a safe and supportive place as well as somewhere to gain information and advice if you want it.

The early days in a diagnosis like this are just torture. I remember it all too well. I did as you mentioned, just got through each day as best I could. It’s a strange kind of surreal feeling and it is just awful. I can however tell you that once you have all the facts and a treatment plan in place, it all becomes more manageable. I promise! You may find the downloadable booklets helpful in the meantime.

Keep us updated and know we are all thinking of you!



Welcome @CeceH , sorry you find yourself here but it really is a great place. There is no way from a colonoscopy that they can tell if it has spread, and yes it does get easier i promise. Once all the info is in from the scans your team can put together a plan to beat this beast. My hubby was diagnosed stage 4 last July, and is currently cancer free, we are not out of the woods but in a better place that last year that is for sure. Never lose hope, and stay positive, wishing you luck with your scans :x::x:


@CeceH. Yup....been there. It's terrifying and so hard not to think of the worst. My hubby was diagnosed in June 15. Click on my name to read our story. He was 51. We have three teens.

As the others have said just try to take a day at a time. Cancer treatment has changed a lot and there are many options.

Along with CharleyB my hubby is also shown no evidence of disease and was Stage 4 at diagnosis.

Things will become clearer and we are all here for you so come back to ask anything.

Tiffany :x::x:


@Polly 1 @Baxter2 @charleyb @Tiffany

Many Thanks for your replies, this forum seems to be full of wonderfully lovely and strong people. I hope one day I can share my own bits of positive news but it's hard to see beyond the worst right now. I think the length until diagnosis is the most worrying part in our case and we just have to be strong until we know where we are at.

Once again thankyou..it's nice to feel we aren't alone

Cece :x:


@CeceH welcome to the family. Yes it’s scary and very frightening but as others have said, once a plan is in place things will be more clearer. We are all here for you. Try and keep off Google, write questions down ready to ask, take small steps, you will get there. :x::x:


Welcome to our forum @CeceH and although I’m certain you would not wish to be on here, I’m very pleased you have joined us for the help and support you will receive from patients, families and carers.
The diagnosis of cancer is a terrible blow for everyone, and I can assure you that you really do manage to come to terms with it, even though it seems impossible at the moment. Try very hard not to look too far ahead, concentrate on the now, and what you both have to do to get to the next stage.
We are all here to support each other best we can, so please never be afraid to ask.
Very best of luck Diane :x::x::x::x:


Yes it does!! Those early days of wading though treacle were awful. You will get though this!! Once you have full facts and your plan things get much easier. It's shock at first....i felt in a daze for weeks!
Annie :x:


Hello @CeceH and welcome to the place nobody volunteers to be. There are no words, really, and the initial shock is just horrible, especially with all the waiting and uncertainty. As others have said, there is some very useful information in this forum, and many friendly voices. Although you don't "get over" the diagnosis, it does stop becoming so all-consuming, all of the time, perhaps as the options and course of action become clearer.

Just showing up here is as massive step forward: you can ask anything, rant, cry, or cheer, and there will be others here to offer support!
Good luck over the next few weeks- Clive :x: