My mom has cancer and might not make it
I'm 17 years old and I have a family consisting of my mom, my dad, and my sister who has autism. My mom has been a long standing survivor of cancer. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was 12 years old. Since then, she has beaten it but it keeps coming back periodically. This is the third time the cancer came back and it has spread and she stuggles with Bowel Obstruction. She cannot eat and has been staying at the hospital for a while and might be coming back home tomorrow. The chemo isn't working and the doctors don't want to put her through surgery since the risks outweigh the benefits. There is a chance that my mom might not live long and that's what scares me the most. She is feeling fine as of right now but obviously that's not really the case. The hospital will put her on housecare to comfort her through these hard times. My mom is still pretty young (she's 4, and the thought of not having her still early in my life is hard.
I've been trying to help my dad around the house and I'm babysitting my sister everyday. I've also been trying to distract myself with anything and I've also been praying, and it seems to be working. However, I wake up every single day with the fear and anxiety that my mom will just vanish and I won't be right beside her when she does. If time and God does let me, my only wish before my mom dies is that she gets to see me graduate and possibly see my sister go to middle school.
I'm also worried about my sister because she is still very young, and as I mentioned before, she has autism. I don't think she really comprehends my mom's situation and if my mom dies, I don't know how my sister will cope with her not being around since she is still young and is very attached with my mom.
I'm also worried about my dad because he is the only adult in our household and lost his parents early in my childhood. He has his brother and his family nearby to help with him, but I woory that he will get too stressed out and will break down. However, he seems to cope with it fine.
It's hard for me to talk to anyone because I want to be strong for my sister and my dad, and I'm afraid my friends might not fully understand it. However, since they all live with single parents due to divorce maybe I can come to them about that. The only person I really talk to about my situation is my long-distanced boyfriend who has seen death in his family and really helps me get through each day with comfort and facetime calls.
I just hope that God and time will let my mom live for a long time until the day she does pass
away, hopefully by the time I've graduated from high school and in college and my sister goes off to middle school. If anyone has any advice or comfort, please feel free to share.