Dad's Post-chemo scan - anxiety
Hi everyone, Sorry I haven't been on here for a while, I think I've been in a state of denial and anticipatory grief. I feel that I have changed as a person, I am fearful and anxious all the time since my Dad's diagnosis even though the results so far have been positive. After his first round of chemo, the consultant said my Dad's tumour had shrunk from a stage 3 to a stage 1, and it seemed to be removed successfully. So after Christmas he started to gain weight and improve, but then after 3 lots of chemo infusions as well as daily capecitabene tablets, he started to lose a lot of weight as he wasn't digesting anything properly, and all food and drink was going straight through to his stoma. He was hospitalised and eventually managed to put the weight back on and since then has been coping pretty well, even going back into work a bit. He was taken off the infusions after that and has just been taking the tablets, but I worry that the tablets alone won't be enough to fight off any lymph nodes he might still have floating around, even though the surgeon thought they had got everything. I am also concerned as he has been under considerable stress as my grandmother (his mother) has been ill and he has had to organise taking her into a care home, and selling her house etc., driving 3-4 hours each time to sort it all out. She doesn't know he has cancer. I fear the stress may have made the treatment less effective - even though that probably sounds silly. He is now nearing the end of his post-surgery chemo, and is pretty tired again, and his liver tests came back with some concerns - I am hoping because of the toxicity of the chemo and not that the cancer has spread there. Does anyone else have experience of this?
Anyway he had a scan last week and will get the results back tomorrow and I am absolutely terrified it will be bad news - I don't think I can cope if it is -if they do see the cancer has come back is that the end? I feel so ill all the time, I have a burning heart and panic attacks every night - sorry if it sound selfish to be talking about myself feeling ill, everything just hurts too much. I'm so scared something bad will happen to someone else in my family and terrified of having accidents, and I've become totally safety conscious when I've never been before. I am also due to travel as part of my work in October but I am scared to get on a plane, particularly as it is a long flight and then when I'm there I'm scared for my safety and about being homesick as I am scheduled to be away for two months. I used to be an adventurous person but I don't recognise myself anymore. Has anyone else experienced these types of feelings? I feel like I'm going mad and feel so selfish for not just pulling myself together.
Sorry for this rambling message - my main concern is that they are doing this scan before his treatment has finished. It was scheduled from the beginning of his chemo plan, but because he was in hospital he had a break from the pills, but they have decided to stick to the original schedule and do the scan now, if that makes sense. I'm worried that they are doing it now rather than at the end because they suspect his irregular liver results mean that the cancer has spread there.
Any advice much appreciated as ever.