Decembeard

Just Diagnosed

shirley99

My dad has bowel cancer

Hi. I’m new to this site. My dad is just over 70 and has in the last few days been diagnosed with bowel cancer. A large growth has been found and although he’s not in pain he is not able to go to the toilet properly. I have spent hours and hours on the net looking for answers. And most of what I have read is positive. I have young children and live 100 miles away from my parents so haven’t been able to attend appointments with them. I am however making arrangements to go to the next one where we’ll be told the stage and treatment options. My mum tells me my dad has lost a lot of weight and I can tell when I speak to him he is not himself. He is very tired and has no energy. I feel emotionally exhausted already and this is just the beginning. I’m scared of what he’ll look like when I see him as when I last saw him a couple of months ago he was his normal self. He seems to have deteriorated quickly and I hope this isn’t a bad sign. We can’t change what is already in existence but I guess I am just on here for moral support.

cathymac

@shirley99
Thanks for the reply. I feel like we are in similar situations with our dads.
My dad is pretty weak at the moment and it’s heartbreaking to see. I live in Newcastle and my parents live in Portsmouth so I too find the distance thing incredibly hard. I have 2 young children too so it’s not easy to just pack up and drive down.
I hate to see my dad in so much discomfort and witness him getting weaker. We had our hopes pinned on surgery or for some reason I thought they’d be a chemotherapy that he could try that would keep it at bay for an extra few years.
Looking into it there’s a lot of therapies and chemotherapy drugs not funded on the nhs. I honestly think my dad would have been better off if he had had private health care.
Sending hugs to your family ❤️❤️

shirley99

Sounds like we are in exactly the same boat. Unfortunately. Dad had no symptoms until 3 months ago by which time I think it was already too late. I agree about private healthcare, if it’s an option which of course it isn’t for so many. Please do keep in touch. I have found this group just so supportive. That’s the other thing I think is invaluable - a good support network ❤️❤️❤️

Quote from @cathymac:
@shirley99
Thanks for the reply. I feel like we are in similar situations with our dads.
My dad is pretty weak at the moment and it’s heartbreaking to see. I live in Newcastle and my parents live in Portsmouth so I too find the distance thing incredibly hard. I have 2 young children too so it’s not easy to just pack up and drive down.
I hate to see my dad in so much discomfort and witness him getting weaker. We had our hopes pinned on surgery or for some reason I thought they’d be a chemotherapy that he could try that would keep it at bay for an extra few years.
Looking into it there’s a lot of therapies and chemotherapy drugs not funded on the nhs. I honestly think my dad would have been better off if he had had private health care.
Sending hugs to your family ❤️❤️

Gypsy

Hi,
I am so truly sorry about it all @cathymac and @shirley99. I think I have got muddled between the two of you saying similar things, so very sorry about that. I hope that everything that can be done will be done for both your Dads. Shirley, I wouldn't rule out the chemo as your Dad has not seen the onco yet? Sadly, people are sometimes diagnosed with advanced cancer having had few or no symptoms. They can only do the bowel surgery to remove the primary tumour if the mets are under control and they do use chemo for that to hopefully knock them back. (You can't have chemo within at least 6 weeks of surgery (before or after) due to the high risk of infection with a compromised immune system so they need to know that the mets are not going to grow to much during those periods etc). There are people who have been told initially that it is inoperable but who have become operable after treatment.
I don't know what the 'lot of therapies and chemotherapy drugs not funded on the NHS' are @cathymac but I truly hope that something is available for your Dad if that is what you all want. It is a quality of life thing though and age doesn't come into it but fitness for treatment. That at least is what I was always told.
My treatment on the NHS has always been brilliant.
Thinking of you and do mean that.
:x::x::x::x:

shirley99

@Gypsy that’s really good information to know, thank you :x::x::x::x:

shirley99

Hi all. So I have just spent a good few days with my Dad and he is stable. He is eating small amounts, still going to the toilet on his own and showering on his own. He now has an adjustable bed.at home so he is a bit more comfortable. The nurses have started to come. We are still waiting for an oncology appointment but the fact that this has not come through yet suggests to me that he won't have chemo. I think it would have been started by now if he was going to have it. He has lost some more weight. But thank God he is not in pain and I want to keep it that way. I don't think he would cope with chemo and I don't think it is worth it given that it would have serious side effects that I know he would not cope with. I think our aim now is to keep him comfortable and see him as much as possible. I sympathise with all of you so much, and I have found this forum to be such a good release for me. What a cruel disease. No matter where I am or what I'm doing it's constantly with me. It's my last thought at night and my first thought every morning. He was always a cheeky chappy and still is, especially when the nurses come. He can be very naughty at times and is full of innuendos! I think it keeps him going, and the rest of us! Thoughts are with all of you that are going through this :x::x::x:

KatieR

Hello @shirley99 I totally agree with all the replies
Have you tried to improve your Dads health There are so many drinks nowadays that have all the nutrition that you need Plus vitamins and supplements that people who have no appetite can drink
I wouldn’t experiment with fruit smoothies cos they may upset the bowel
Im sure the Macmillan nurses could advise you Things have improved a lot since Complan. And Slippery Elm Food !
Cath :x::x:

shirley99

Yes he has nutrition drinks. But he probably has a third of one at a time. He is a bit stubborn and complains that they don’t taste very nice! But he has a few sips at least. The stubbornness doesn’t help as he wants to do things his way. He’ll listen to the doctors and nurses so we sometimes have a quiet word with them and they relay things for us.

shirley99

Hi all. I’m sorry to say that Dad passed away last week. It’s been so quick that there hasn’t been time to process it. From the day of his diagnosis he went downhill so rapidly. We thought he had a few months at least but it wasn’t meant to be :(

Lirio345

Dear @shirley99, I am so very sorry to hear this. Words are so inadequate. Please take very good care, Kim :x::x:

Lizalou

I am so sorry to read your update @shirley99 . You said a few weeks ago that he was feeling comfortable and well cared for, so I hope that continued and that you and your family were able to appreciate your time together. Sending hugs and prayers .

Adnyl

I'm so very sorry for your loss ... i lost my parents 5 years ago and know how hard it is. Love to your mum and your family :x::x:

kitti

Im so sorry @shirley99 sending lots of love to yourself and your family st this sad time :x::x::x:

mem

I’m so sorry to hear about the sad passing of your Dad @shirley99. Sending love to you and your family :x::x:

Gypsy

@shirley99, I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your Dad. Sending condolences to you and your family. :x::x:

bettebette

@shirley99, I am sorry to hear of your loss. Sending condolences at this very sad time. :x:

abergirl

Dear @shirley99 I have been following your posts and am so very sorry to hear your sad news. You have been a wonderful daughter to him. Sending love to you and peace to your lovely Dad..:x::x:

shirley99

Thank you so much for all of your kind words :x::x::x:

determinedjoan

I am so very sorry for ur loss Shirley. Thinking of u & ur familyat this terribly sad & difficult time. May ur dearest Dad rest in peace & love 💗 :x:

Aisling00

Very very sorry to hear this news, keeping your family in my prayers xxxxx @shirley99

cathymac

@shirley99
I’ve just seen your previous post and I’m so so sorry to hear this.
You must be heartbroken. Cancer is truly devastating. My dad is 80 and I’m actually sat next to him now in our local hospice. We have no idea how long we have with him. He has good days and bad days.
Sending lots of love at this difficult time :x: