Decembeard

Just Diagnosed

Luggsey

Been to see the Oncologist

My Dad listened to the Oncologist and is not wanting chemo.
He said the biological drugs would be either to harsh or not effective.
It doesn't seem real that my otherwise fit Dad has this awful disease.

Gypsy

Dear @Luggsey . I'm so sorry about all your worries about your Dad and the sadness that I know you feel.It is very hard for you. I can understand why your Dad doesn't want chemo at age 80 to be honest. At any age, it is a decision that only the person affected can make for his or herself but I am sorry that he feels that way too.
I hope that he can remain fit and active for a good while yet.
Thinking of you, Gypsyx

smiggs05

get your father on cannabis oil luggsey

bettebette

@Luggsey I can’t say anything that will make you feel better. Your dad seems to have made a well considered decision and I wish him - and you - a lot of good days together :x::x:

cathymac

Hi
My dad is 80 and was diagnosed with bowel cancer in April this year. The oncologist said my dad was too frail for chemotherapy as radiotherapy put him in hospital and wiped him out for weeks.
My dad has been on palliative care now for months and I have struggled with my emotions so much in watching my strong Dad change.
To be fair my dad didn’t really want chemotherapy so when the oncologist said his opinion, my dad agreed.
:x::x:

determinedjoan

Thinking of u & cathymac & sending love 💗 & hugs 🤗 :x::x::x:

Luggsey

I feel like I'm letting my Dad down, he's so stoic but he cried when he realised his condition and wished he hadn't been told.
I told the Oncologist we would raise any funds required if my Dad needed something like Avastin but he told my Dad to spend the money on his Grandchild.
I feel utterly useless, knowing my Dad will get ill is worse then not knowing.

bettebette

You are not letting him down @Luggsey
if you continue to be the loving and attentive child you evidently are then that is a very good thing.
Perhaps you could try to do some of the things he would really like to do or go to places he would like to visit; I imagine time spent with him doing ‘nice’ stuff will be much appreciated.
Lots of love :x::x:

bettebette

Thinking of you and your dad too @cathymac :x::x:

GROBER

One thing to possibly consider here is the timescale that was available for your Dad to process this devastating news. Its pretty well documented that people faced with a diagnosis of cancer go through a series of stages while they process the news. denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and depression, acceptance. If he has had adequate time before your visit to the Oncologist to process it all then fine. If not his response to that meeting might have been determined by which stage he was at. I am not saying he would change his a mind but if you have any doubts you should ask for a second opinion on what his future options might be to give him a chance to reconsider?
www.livestrong.com/article/278518-stages-of-cancer-grief/

Luggsey

Thank you for taking time to respond to my comments, it helps a bit with accepting things.
My Dad has no symptoms yet, only low hb which I think is the tumour bleeding slightly not helped by him being on clopidigral.
I wrote down a few questions for the Oncologist but forgot to ask him, should Dad continue with Iron tablets and should he have a flu jab?
I can function well if I can help him, I go to pieces if I can't help!

Luggsey
Quote from @bettebette:
You are not letting him down @Luggsey
if you continue to be the loving and attentive child you evidently are then that is a very good thing.
Perhaps you could try to do some of the things he would really like to do or go to places he would like to visit; I imagine time spent with him doing ‘nice’ stuff will be much appreciated.
Lots of love

My Dad loves his routine, he's never happy about doing anything that requires him to dress to much up or travel far. So it's down to the local posh Hotel for lunch this Sunday.
My Dad had a stroke a couple of years back that makes it harder for him to have a conversation as he can't find the word he wants to say. He closed off a bit and wouldn't talk to anybody, I'm wondering if during this period his natural defences dropped?
Thinking out loud and off loading my worries I suppose.

Luggsey
Quote from @cathymac:
Hi
My dad is 80 and was diagnosed with bowel cancer in April this year. The oncologist said my dad was too frail for chemotherapy as radiotherapy put him in hospital and wiped him out for weeks.
My dad has been on palliative care now for months and I have struggled with my emotions so much in watching my strong Dad change.
To be fair my dad didn’t really want chemotherapy so when the oncologist said his opinion, my dad agreed.

I hope your Dad is well for as long as possible and you help him enjoy his time.
Luggsey
:x::x::x:

Luggsey
Quote from @GROBER:
One thing to possibly consider here is the timescale that was available for your Dad to process this devastating news. Its pretty well documented that people faced with a diagnosis of cancer go through a series of stages while they process the news. denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and depression, acceptance. If he has had adequate time before your visit to the Oncologist to process it all then fine. If not his response to that meeting might have been determined by which stage he was at. I am not saying he would change his a mind but if you have any doubts you should ask for a second opinion on what his future options might be to give him a chance to reconsider?
www.livestrong.com/article/278518-stages-of-cancer-grief/

I think my Dad went through most of these pretty quick.
It's hard to accept a fit 80 year old man who drives and shops every day while helping to look after my Disabled Mum is so seriously ill.
My Dad never looked his age until recently, he still has black hair while mines mostly grey at 47!

bettebette

@Luggsy. I am sorry to hear about your dad’s difficultly following the stroke, the Sunday lunch at a local hotel sounds a really nice idea.
Does he like reading/watching a film/playing cards or a board game, all of these things are relaxing (and distracting!)
Enjoy your Sunday lunch :x::x:

GROBER

One thing that may be preying on his mind is how your Mum will cope when he isn't there to look after her. It may give him some comfort/ peace of mind for you to discuss this with him and how her needs may be met in the future? As someone working in this field once said to me- often there are often no good solutions to these situations but that should not stop you from seeking the best of what's available. Carefully considered anticipation may be your friend here?

determinedjoan

Gosh, you have got s lot on ur plate with ur Mum needing care too.
Mydear Dad was 8 years older than my Mum, who was v dependent on him. When he was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, he was abs determined to be here for as long as possible for her, me & his Grandchildren. He managed to live well for almost five years, which completely astonished his Oncologist.
I really wish u, your dear Dad & Mum many more happy times shared together, starting with Sunday lunch tomorrow- enjoy !
Thinking of u all & sending love 💗 & hugs 🤗 :x::x::x: