Decembeard

Stage 4 bowel cancer

Clumpysnake

Given days to live

I’ll try keep this as short and to the point as I can, my wife who is just 26 years old was diagnosed just about a month ago now with stage 4 bowel cancer which is sigmoid primary and has been confirmed to have spread to her liver, hips, peritoneum, ovaries & spine.

She’s had one cycle of capecitabine which we were told today has had no effect on the cancer therefore she won’t be offered any further treatment as they feel having any more chemo won’t help and could just make her unwell.

I’ve already had to do a lot of fighting this past month to get her the care, treatment and tests she’s had so far and now to be told she won’t be offered anything more, basically saying she’s just gonna be left to let the cancer kill her in what they believe to be just days, just doesn’t make sense to me.

To do nothing and accept this is not an option for me, we have 2 kids together so I have to do anything I can for her, for their sake. I’ve already got a referral to the Royal Marsden and have an appointment on Wednesday which I’m gonna see if they’ll see us sooner in light of this news, but want to also explore the private option, at least for an opinion if nothing else. My thoughts are to go to the Christie clinic but was wondering what others may suggest as other options? We are currently at Basingstoke which I know is a specialist in this kind of cancer, but our oncologist, in my mind gave up on my wife right at the beginning.

Bridget55

Christies nr is 0161 446 3000. Harley st concierge is tel: tel:0207 965 0309

bettebette

@Clumpysnake thinking of you and sending you very best wishes for the best outcome for your your wife. :x::x::x:

charleyb

Oh @Clumpysnake i am so very sorry to read this, my heart goes out to you both!!
Please try a second opinion, we went to The Marsden and found a completely different attitude to our local hospital. And i have to agree with @Bridget55 you could try Harley St.
Big hugs to you both :x::x::x:

angelj

@Clumpysnake Im sorry I can’t offer any advice apart from explore all options, I am praying for you all :x::x:

Bingers

This is horrendous for you all - I think anybody would completely understand why you would not leave any stone unturned.

I went to the LOC (Leaders in Oncology Care https://www.theloc.com/) in Harley Street for a second opinion and saw a man called Dr Kai Keen Shiu. He was brilliant and the LOC seems to have a very good reputation so might be worth investigating? The very best of luck and love to you both.

Gypsy

@Clumpysnake. I agree with all of the above and sending prayers and hope that something can be done for her. I'm so utterly sorry and can't imagine how awful it is for you both. :x::x::x:

Wendywood

@Clumpysnake that is very hard news for you to hear..... and having to fight for help/tests/treatments etc on top of this must be absolutely exhausting and mentally challenging.
Sending you and your family all my love :x::x::x:

Rosebud

@Clumpsnake I pray to God that doors will be opened for you and that you will get a resolution, with a view to your wife getting a full recovery. Have faith. :x::x::x:

Baxter2

Oh Gosh @Clumpysnake This news is absolutely hard hitting and I'm actually struggling to find the words to express my feelings about it and try to offer advice about a possible way forward for you both. It's a heartbreaking situation.

You haven't mentioned help around you so apologies if I'm asking daft questions.
Do you have family who can help support you both both practically, emotionally and helping with negotiating a way forward with second opinions etc?
Is your Gp helpful? It may be a good idea to request a home visit to discuss all the above and gain their support, advice and help?
Is your wife at home just now? If so, is she getting help from community nurses?
Do you have a specialist nurse such as a colorectal nurse based at the hospital? What advice can she offer?
I sought a second opinion from the LOC and this was absolutely crucial for my treatment options. Call them now and discuss all your concerns. I unsure if your wife is well enough to travel to London?
Is there another appointment scheduled with the oncologist?
Is there a team involved who can offer care for your lovely wife?

I'm sorry there are so many questions. My heart goes out to you both. I want to help but I'm unsure of what to do or what to advise. Please know that there's a community of lovely people on here who will be ready to offer you all the support they can. Please stay in touch if you can and let us know how things go.

Sending so much love and hope to you both

Karen💛💚❤️💙💜

tonibates1

@Clumpysnake just read your message and needed to send you a huge hug from both Steve and myself. Always here for you if you want to shout, scream or just cry. Much love Toni

determinedjoan

So v v sorry to read ur post; thinking of you & your lovely, v young wife & really hoping that you can be helped & she will enjoy more time with you & your children. Sending love 💕 & hugs 🤗 :x::x::x:

Tiffany

@Clumpysnake

I love fighting talk and I agree you have to try everything and anything now. Youve got nothing to lose. I'm so sorry about your wife.....26.....far far too young.

I think the only person to see here is Professor Justin Stebbing. He's pioneering and pushes boundaries like no one else I know. You can only see him privately in Harley St. He would be my first port of call if my hubby has a reoccurence. The LOC is a good second option too but I'd start off with Justin if it were me.

Best of luck with whatever you decide :x:

Mistyalpine

I second @Tiffany ..please get in touch with Justin Stebbing... He is a man that thinks outside the box... :x::x:

david watt

@Clumpysnake if given days to live, I would make her comfortable in a good hospice with lots of pain medication. Make a video 📹 with family and friends and say goodbyes. Cancer can be treated if caught early, but if very late stage, running around different doctors and hospitals is not going to help. We all hope and pray for miracles, but for lots of us they seem to be out of reach. Best wishes David

Sasa

Hi @Clumpysnake , oh my gosh, how sad for your family, I’m so very sorry.

If it were my hubby, I would take him home, and sit in the garden with him, and just love him... love him to bits.

You will do what is right for her... whatever that may be, you know her best.

Sarah :x:

shellblue

So sorry to hear this about your wife.
Definitely get a second opinion from one of the above, I sure would. Hope you get some answers soon.
Sending love and positive energy to you all.
I've only just joined this forum and the advice/support from this community that I've seen is comforting. What a blessing :x::x::x:

Clancy

It is hard news to take @Clumpysnake, I am so sorry. Do what you feel is right. Sending love.:x::x:

Clumpysnake

Good evening everyone, I’m so overwhelmed by all of the responses and all I can say is thank you!

She’s been in St Michaels hospice since we got the news, they are all really good here and she’s in good hands. It’s heartbreaking to see her like this but at least she’s as comfortable as possible with this horrible situation.

I’d love there to be some kind of miracle cure out there and I won’t give up till the end but at the same time I have to be realistic/sensible, making sure we make the most of having her here and also not causing her undue discomfort by chasing around the country to be told they can’t do anything.

I’ve spoken with Harley street consierge and also the Marsden, I need to cover both these areas to put my mind at ease, an opinion from a private oncologist and the Marsden will allow me to know I’ve done all I can do and I can keep everything crossed for a miracle or just something to make her more comfortable.

Thanks again everyone!

Jonny :x:

xSazx

There might not be that miracle solution but there is plenty of hope. Keep pushing and don't settle for 2nd best. So many successful treatments available nowadays. All the best, Sarah :x:

charleyb

Jonny @Clumpysnake i just wanted to say you are an amazing caring husband, and i`ll be praying for you guys that you get more time together.
We got a second opinion really quickly at The Marsden and if you want the name of that oncologist please let me know :x::x::x::x: