Younger people with bowel cancer

gemd281280 (Essex )

Feeling frustrated/ angry / useless /confused by

Don't really know much more from surgery follow up ,apart from stage 3 cancer T4N1 which doesn't mean much to me . Got oncology next week where will find out more about treatment etc. Will have a CT scan 1st to check other areas ( although I did have CT post op in October that confirmed no spread to liver or lungs ) then after chemo another colonoscopy to remove the other non cancer polyps that were found on original colonoscopy and check the rest of the bowel that they couldn't check last time as tumour was in was blocking at sigmoid to go any further and to check it all.
19 lympth nodes removed and cancer found in 4 that was about to go though the lining of bowel into other parts as was pushing ( so I'm feeling grateful right now it was caught when it was ) but still confused and scared about what's ahead .

My surgeon also mention about being genetic and to get my siblings to get checked , has anyone else had this request ? :x::x:

I'm scared and angry with it all now, surgery I could deal with but all the rest is a kick in the teeth and I feel like no one quite understands 😠😫♥️ I'm normally very positive and have been so far but this is taking over my thoughts and emotions 😓


Hello @gemd281280 (Essex ) If cancer was easy to deal with we would not need Specialists to take care of us ...Let them take care of you They are experts They fight cancer Every day
You are totally out of your ‘ comfort zone ‘ finding out you have cancer is devastating and very very hard to cope with ...The early weeks of tests and scans are just miserable,horrible and endless ....But once you get your Plan you will feel better You dont have to believe me ...its a fact
Its like you are far out to sea in a lonely tiny boat with no hope of a rescue
Then ........someone gives you a paddle and you start fighting the waves and the storms and paddle your way back to dry land
Please be kinder to yourself You dont need to understand what is going to happen You dont need to know all the big words
You just need to know what you need to do tomorrow
One day at a time
Cath :x::x:


Good morning @gemd281280 (Essex ), I am so sorry that you are feeling like this but to be honest this is normal and gradually you will start to feel a bit more in control. The appointment with the oncologist will confirm the plans for the next stage of treatment so you can start planning.

To pick up on a couple of points, yes there are a number of us who have been advised to encourage our families to be tested although I am surprised that the surgeon hasn’t referred you to a genetics counsellor (who clarify if they can more details about the tumour genes). I would suggest speaking with your specialist colorectal nurse or Surgeon’s Secretary.

Secondly you are trying to cope with a huge issue by yourself and I would urge you to get some support. Do you have a Maggie’s centre near you: they offer a huge amount of help. I received counselling through the Hospital and it really helped me to cope better. Please take very good care of yourself, Kim :x::x:


Mine was T4n1, you are very welcome to message me. My surgeon said it wasn't genetic but still should tell siblings/mum/dad to get checked. Sending hugs. :x: :x: :x:


Hi @gemd281280 (Essex ) I completely understand and empathise with how you are feeling. I spent so long before going ahead with the surgery because even my surgeon wasn't sure it was necessary...however, like you, once I had taken all that on board I got on with it. The aftermath of the surgery was harder than I expected but again I got on with it and felt I was doing really well. Then came the call that I had 4 lymph nodes involved and needed chemo....that really threw me right off. I too could not cope with the fear of the ongoing unknown and the fear of the chemo was terrifying. You feel completely at sea without a I really do understand. However, like the others have said, it is another thing that once it has sunk in you will get your fighting spirit back again and be ready to forge ahead with the strength that you clearly have :x::x::x:


Good morning @gemd281280 (Essex )

I couldn't agree more with the comments already made above, all the emotions you describe are all normal and very much allowed! Please just allow yourself to feel whatever way you want to and things will work out I'm sure.

I had completely lost my fighting spirit when my diagnosis changed for stage 3 to 4 and was told I wasn't expected to last the year. I had effectively 'given up!' Fortunately with the amazing support of a special friend who gave me a good talking to, my attitude, drive and positivity returned! Together, we made a plan!! It was only then that I accessed 1:1 counselling at Maggies and antidepressants to try from GP. Both helped me enormously with my overall mood and coping skills which then motivated me to research possible treatment options and treatments. Thankfully this was 3 years ago and I'm still well following surgery and ongoing long term chemo. Do you have one of 'these friends' or should I send her down to you?! 😉

Sending love and hugs,



Hello @gemd281280 (Essex ) . I am also one of the T4b N1 gang. Please read my bio. It’s not an easy journey , but the support here from
People who ‘know’ is second to none. Please keep with the forum, we will see you through the bad days. You sound like an upbeat person. That will return with a bit of time. Lots of love. Angie :x::x::x:


Dear @gemd281280 (Essex ) you have my full sympathy. Its overwhelming and life changing. Try to take each moment - each day at a time and re-read each of the above messages. You are not alone


Hi @gemd281280 (Essex ). I am another T4 N1 gang member. Best of luck with the rest of your treatment. The range of emotions you feel at the beginning is overwhelming but we are all here for support along the way and any questions you havexxxxx


@gemd281280 (Essex )

Hi there. I just wanted to send you a big cyber hug as sounds like you might need one. Can't give you any practical advice but glad surgery went well. Once you start chemo treatment come back and let us know - hopefully we can give more advice then. Big hugs and thinking of you. Tiffany :x::x: