Life with bowel cancer

scootergirl17

Difficult to be positive - emotional wreck

I was diagnosed in Dec 18 and after an initial panic I have been calm and practical. Finished 5 weeks chemo radiotherapy on 1/3 and waiting on scan before surgery will be planned. Suddenly crashed emotionally. Not been doing much as save my energy for my kids when they come home from school. Today did a jigsaw, how depressing if I didn't have long left to live and my live consists of Daytime TV and jigsaws. My husband can't cope so went out! I appreciate no one can help but thought it might help me to express how I feel. Sorry for the rant

Gypsy

Dear @scootergirl17 . You are allowed these moments, you know and we all have them. Please don't be so hard on yourself- look what you have already been through and still have to come. And, you have done the right thing saving your strength and keeping on keeping on because of your kids. None of us are super humans are we, just people who are having to do our best in rubbish circumstances.
Bless you, you have lots of time left to live and there are times when we all need the daytime TV and the jigsaws.
Love and hugs, Gyspy and no more beating yourself up!:x::x:

bizzy bea

Oh scootergirl17 it is ok to have a rant. Scanxiety is awful. I tend to start cleaning the house like mad and I am awful to live with. So glad you have the children who can help to take your mind of things. I love having my grandchildren around . They certainly help me return to some kind of normality. Lots of love.:x:

Marnypots

Dear @scootergirl17 in the early days after I was diagnosed with rectal cancer I was a emotional wreck this was in August 2016 I was sat in my chair feeling sorry for myself nearly 3 years later my energy levels are better I’m less anxious although still panic on occasion my children are much older but I have nine I didn’t know how I was going to get through the time I also had a daughter with Down syndrome I’m her Carer so for now enjoy the tele and your puzzles before you know it you’ll be back to normal ( whatever that is ha ha )
When your husband comes back in give him a cuddle

Baxter2

Hi @scootergirl17

I'm sorry to read your post. Nothing wrong with a jigsaw and a bit of daytime TV now and then!! We all go through challenging emotions and you'll be no different. Sometimes they occur when we least expect them to. You've already been through a lot emotionally and physically in a short space of time. Having a cancer diagnosis is pretty much life changing. You've made it this far and will manage to pick yourself up emotionally in the days to come I'm sure. It may be useful to consider a chat with your GP and perhaps look into other support such as Maggies centre or similar (if you're lucky enough to be near one?) your hubby will be able to do the same if he wishes. I often hear it said that it's almost worse for the 'loved one' than the patient. Remember, you're doing so well and just keeping putting one foot in front of the other......you'll get there.........and we'll be right by your side!

Lots of love

Karen💚💜💛❤️💙

cyclingjohnny

hey come on, why would you not have an emotional crash,this cancer crap takes some getting your head around, it really is massive, so don't put yourself down, just don't waste anymore of your energy on it,use it to beat the ba ----d, lots of luck for the future all the best, john. :x::x::x:

Sasa

Hi @scootergirl17 , you sound bloody amazing quite frankly to be dealing with all this with children to also worry about. As a relative to a Bowlie I would imagine his going out may be more about the level of his love for you - men can be really rubbish at letting us know what they are feeling sometimes (not all men I must add very quickly).

Hope you feel better soon,

Sarah :x:

Salgal

Hi @scootergirl, I just want to say well done for getting through your chemo radiation 👍🏻 I remember all to well feeling exactly the same once my chemo radiation had finished, I think I was literally running on adrenaline everyday for those 5 half weeks, then I just crashed once it had finished. Give yourself some time, you will bounce back, honest, and you will soon feel ready to tackle the next stage of your treatment. Enjoy your jigsaws 😆 and quality time with your children hugs Sal :x::x::x:

farahat

i can understand your feeling but be brave and positive and dont let this cancer take over you we all have been through this journey whats gone happenend will happened we can not look into the future all my years of caner i never thought for a momement that i have cancer i know its difficult but enjoy your life to the full and dont think about it and beleive me it will give you strength and courage as said people do not die by snake poision but fear of it

Lawsey

Dear @scootergirl17 - you have been through trauma. Your mind and body galvinised its resources to cope and now its relaxing a little, recovering. Some days all I could do was breathe! Go with it - :x::x::x::x:

scootergirl17

Thank you so much for all of your messages. I couldn't bring myself to reply yesterday but they did make me feel better. Today has been a bit better just need to find something to focus on until my next scan.

EssexDan

Just remember @scootergirl17 you are not alone in feeling or thinking this way! You are so strong to have come this far and hey ive had the day off work today to wallow in front of the tv and thats just fine! Lol.
Chin up mate. :x:

greyhound gal

Rant away @scootergirl17! We all feel like it sometimes and I think it does you good. Hope you’re feeling better, if not, you’ll get there. Keep in contact with everyone
Best wishes, Wendy :x::x:

jinnyp

@scootergirl17 I doubt there is a single one of us on here that hasn’t felt as you do at some stage. Be kind to yourself, it’s a completely normal reaction. I resisted for a long time but eventually started to have counselling and reflexology and my head is in a much better place now. The anxieties never go completely but I accept them now and cope with them better.
Sending love and hugs .... hope you’re feeling a bit better today Jane :x::x:

scootergirl17

Thanks for all of your support it really helped me get through this week. I have contacted Macmillan to arrange some counselling.

GD62

Hello @scootergirl17

It is very understandable to feel how you do and it's very difficult for partners and family too. Glad you're being calm and practical and getting counselling. Bless you love....hugs :x::x::x:

Baxter2

Hope you're still doing ok @scootergirl17

We all have difficult times and somehow manage to find the strength to claw ourselves out of that dark hole and carry on!

Sending lots of love

Karen💚💜❤️💙💛