Hi everyone. I’ve had my worst week so far since my initial diagnosis on the 1st March. Had numerous meltdowns and lots of anger directed at people who don’t really deserve it. I have found that since all this started I’ve been worrying about hurting people’s feelings in my family and trying to include everyone. I Havnt told many people about my diagnosis as I really don’t want a pity party and I have this sense that the only thing I can control in all this is who knows. Silly, I know. The few friends I have told seem to find it hard which In itself is hard for me. Why is it so hard for friends to be , I don’t even know how I want them to be! Such a strange limbo I am in right now. Everyone else’s life’s go on and I’m stuck here, in the land of fear and dread.
I went to surgery school yesterday for prep for my op on Monday. Very useful, I’d definitely recommend if you ever get the offer. At the end a research nurse came in and asked me to do a research questionnaire on line. When I got in I started filling it out. Fairly basic questions, about your mental well being. I got to this question:
Please list in rank-order the three most important factors that you believe caused your bowel cancer. (Start sentence) The most important causes for me:-
What a question. Needless to say I missed it out. I have no idea what caused it! Any thoughts on that open for debate.
I’m heading for surgery on Monday and today has been a good day, I feel a lot brighter. Still terrified but coping. Looking forward to spending some quality time with my husband over the weekend and for maybe five minutes we’ll forget what is happening. Have a fabulous weekend everyone.