My husband was diagnosed last week

Hi @nikkinoo. Welcome to the group that nobody wants to join! So sorry that you have found yourself here. My hubby was diagnosed in June 2015 and is "living with" S4 BC.

It is very surreal and scary at the beginning and I had similar conversations with my hubby but you have done the right thing by being strict and talking him round. You will see as you move through the different stages of treatment and so on that things become a bit easier to contend with. Best advice is to make sure you record or write down everything you can in your meetings with his medical team and don't be afraid to ask questions and say if you don't understand something. Knowledge is key.

Also hopefully your hubby can stay as fit and healthy as possible before the operation so lots of good food and exercise every day. Please let us know how he gets on and feel free to join the Caregiver Group where you can have a cry, moan or whatever support you need away from BC patients. Let me know if you need any help navigating this online community or indeed for anything else.

Sending love and a big cyber hug. Tiffany

Thankyou Tiffany…
I’ll look at the group you mentioned.. ❤️

@nikkinoo

It is the last box on the list on your left hand side of the page

Hello @nikkinoo and another warm welcome to the forum.

I can see you've already had some lovely helpful replies and see your husband has an appointment on Friday. I hope this all goes well.

Sending lots of love and warm wishes,

Karen 🌻💐🌺🌸🌷

Hi @nikkinoo, I’m so sorry your husband is in this position and sounds really scared too. However Bowel cancer is often curable. I was T3N1M0 and am just over 2 years post surgery with no reoccurrence and pretty much back to my old self. Your husband’s classification is currently better than mine, so there is every chance that his cancer will be completely curable. Sending lots of love and hugs

Hi @nikkinoo so sorry to hear of your husband’s diagnosis but as others have said, it is treatable and curable. I have no advice re his anxiety but I am a worrier and I was very anxious more before my chemo than my op which was an emergency (constipated for 8 days!). It must be very difficult for you if he is not wanting the op but really it wasn’t that bad and had to be done. I hope you both work things out as it must be very stressful for you both. I am on my own so don’t have the support I might like at this time. Wishing you well for the future and maybe get your husband to speak to the MacMillan nurses who are great.

Ali

Good morning, Thankyou for your reply. He’s appointment was last Friday 31/12/21.. he was told about surgery (right hemicolectomy.) it’s since then that his state of mind has been terrible.
I’m going to phone MacMillan today but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to contact them because of being a Bank Holiday..

Quote from @Baxter2:
Hello @nikkinoo and another warm welcome to the forum.

I can see you've already had some lovely helpful replies and see your husband has an appointment on Friday. I hope this all goes well.

Sending lots of love and warm wishes,

Karen 🌻💐🌺🌸🌷

Thankyou for replying. I’m going to call his MacMillan nurse told. I may not be able to speak to them because of it being a Bank Holiday.
[quote]Quote from @Ali:
Hi @nikkinoo so sorry to hear of your husband’s diagnosis but as others have said, it is treatable and curable. I have no advice re his anxiety but I am a worrier and I was very anxious more before my chemo than my op which was an emergency (constipated for 8 days!). It must be very difficult for you if he is not wanting the op but really it wasn’t that bad and had to be done. I hope you both work things out as it must be very stressful for you both. I am on my own so don’t have the support I might like at this time. Wishing you well for the future and maybe get your husband to speak to the MacMillan nurses who are great.

Ali[/quote

Hello @nikkinoo - I am 75 and five years ago was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Had chemo and radiotherapy and surgery. I too had major mental health problems so got medication from gp and began counselling. As time past and my treatment plan was spelled out I turned a corner and became active again in life. My treatment was successful and I’m due my five year consultation with surgeon soon. I do hope your husband gets support - you also. Bowel cancer is treatable and curable. Please try not to lose heart - But i know it’s tough.
My prayers are for you both.

hi @nikkinoo sorry to hear that your husband has been diagnosed.I also found out at my colonoscopy that I had a cancerous tumour that needed removing.
my staging was also T3N0MO before surgery but was T3N1M0 after so I have just finished 4 cycles of mop up chemo.
I was very, very, scared & my anxiety levels went through the roof & I went through a wide range of emotions about the surgery should I ,shouldn't I as prior to my diagnosis I had been in very good health all my life.
When you are told you have cancer from my experience no matter how stable you are mentally & how many times you have seen it in the TV adverts , your entire world collapses around you as nothing can ever prepare you for those words.
The morning of my surgery I was bricking it but my surgical team were wonderful & after my op because the tumour had been removed in its entirety the surgeon said I was cancer free but as it had punched through my muscle wall & infected some Lymph nodes which had been also removed during surgery mop up chemo may be needed.
so mop up chemo was suggested & I opted for this.
It has not been easy but it is better than the alternative.
I had keyhole surgery & although my belly button has changed its shape my scars after 6 months are hardly visible .
On Sunday I had lunch with my family & was able to thank them for all the support they gave me over the past 6 months even though they themselves had gone through the mill emotionally particularly as most had had covid recently & had had to avoid meeting me face to face.
so CT scan due Feb then if all well colonoscopy in July.
Sending love, hugs & best wishes to both you & your husband during this difficult time.
You will always find the support you both need on here as I did from the moment I came on here scared to death after my diagnosis to today.

Hi, Thankyou so much for your reply. It really helps me to read other’s experiences. Like you my husband has been fit & well all his life…he didn’t have symptoms it was a FIT test sent randomly from the Doctors as he was 56.
Can I ask when you were diagnosed, just so I have a rough time line..
Thanks again 🙂
..

Quote from @stevejl:
hi @nikkinoo sorry to hear that your husband has been diagnosed.I also found out at my colonoscopy that I had a cancerous tumour that needed removing.
my staging was also T3N0MO before surgery but was T3N1M0 after so I have just finished 4 cycles of mop up chemo.
I was very, very, scared & my anxiety levels went through the roof & I went through a wide range of emotions about the surgery should I ,shouldn't I as prior to my diagnosis I had been in very good health all my life.
When you are told you have cancer from my experience no matter how stable you are mentally & how many times you have seen it in the TV adverts , your entire world collapses around you as nothing can ever prepare you for those words.
The morning of my surgery I was bricking it but my surgical team were wonderful & after my op because the tumour had been removed in its entirety the surgeon said I was cancer free but as it had punched through my muscle wall & infected some Lymph nodes which had been also removed during surgery mop up chemo may be needed.
so mop up chemo was suggested & I opted for this.
It has not been easy but it is better than the alternative.
I had keyhole surgery & although my belly button has changed its shape my scars after 6 months are hardly visible .
On Sunday I had lunch with my family & was able to thank them for all the support they gave me over the past 6 months even though they themselves had gone through the mill emotionally particularly as most had had covid recently & had had to avoid meeting me face to face.
so CT scan due Feb then if all well colonoscopy in July.
Sending love, hugs & best wishes to both you & your husband during this difficult time.
You will always find the support you both need on here as I did from the moment I came on here scared to death after my diagnosis to today.

Quote from @stevejl:
hi @nikkinoo sorry to hear that your husband has been diagnosed.I also found out at my colonoscopy that I had a cancerous tumour that needed removing.
my staging was also T3N0MO before surgery but was T3N1M0 after so I have just finished 4 cycles of mop up chemo.
I was very, very, scared & my anxiety levels went through the roof & I went through a wide range of emotions about the surgery should I ,shouldn't I as prior to my diagnosis I had been in very good health all my life.
When you are told you have cancer from my experience no matter how stable you are mentally & how many times you have seen it in the TV adverts , your entire world collapses around you as nothing can ever prepare you for those words.
The morning of my surgery I was bricking it but my surgical team were wonderful & after my op because the tumour had been removed in its entirety the surgeon said I was cancer free but as it had punched through my muscle wall & infected some Lymph nodes which had been also removed during surgery mop up chemo may be needed.
so mop up chemo was suggested & I opted for this.
It has not been easy but it is better than the alternative.
I had keyhole surgery & although my belly button has changed its shape my scars after 6 months are hardly visible .
On Sunday I had lunch with my family & was able to thank them for all the support they gave me over the past 6 months even though they themselves had gone through the mill emotionally particularly as most had had covid recently & had had to avoid meeting me face to face.
so CT scan due Feb then if all well colonoscopy in July.
Sending love, hugs & best wishes to both you & your husband during this difficult time.
You will always find the support you both need on here as I did from the moment I came on here scared to death after my diagnosis to today.

Hi @nikkinoo just reading your posts and can relate to the anxiety your husband is feeling. I was diagnosed November 2019 op December fir right hemicolectomy. Had 6mths chemo as 1 lymph gland affected. Surgery was ok and recovery good. I was more worried about the chemo which turned out to be okay too. I think the waiting is the worst bit and once everything kicks in it’s okay. The NGS were amazing. I’m now 4mths post chemo had some niggles which were nothing but every niggle is a panic hopefully this will ease in time. It’s not easy for you either but I’m sure your husband will cope it’s amazing resilient we all are when we face the worst. Good luck hope it all goes ok fir him

Hi… I’m glad your surgery & chemo went well👍
Did they find that you had a lymph node affected after they removed some during surgery? How many did they remove? Sorry for al, the questions..
At the moment my husband is T3N0M0…but the consultant said that mat change after they’ve done the surgery.

Hi yes 12 lymph glands removed at surgery and one found infected. They told me I was stage 2 then with lymph gland it went to stage 3. Please ask as many questions as you like this forum helped me a lot. It helps talking to people who know exactly how you are feeling. It’s hard for you too I know my husband was very stressed, didn’t really know what to do or say. It’s all very scary and all a bit surreal. Good luck with it all and please get in touch again. It’s hard with covid not getting face to face appointments hence this forum invaluble. Take care

Hi… my husband received a letter today, the same one that the surgeon sends to our GP…in the letter it says that my husband is T3N1M0 so different from when we saw the surgeon 2 weeks ago when we were told he was T3N0M0….☹️

Quote from @clark21:
Hi yes 12 lymph glands removed at surgery and one found infected. They told me I was stage 2 then with lymph gland it went to stage 3. Please ask as many questions as you like this forum helped me a lot. It helps talking to people who know exactly how you are feeling. It’s hard for you too I know my husband was very stressed, didn’t really know what to do or say. It’s all very scary and all a bit surreal. Good luck with it all and please get in touch again. It’s hard with covid not getting face to face appointments hence this forum invaluble. Take care

My husband is also T3N1M0. We are so glad it is M0 and only N1. Funny how one’s mind adapts to new realities! No one wants to here, but the forum really helps. I think our experiences as partners is very different from that of the ‘sufferers’ struggling with terms here. Our pain is emotional not physical, but real and all consuming nevertheless . Hugs

@nikkinoo. I was T3N1M0 and 53 years when diagnosed. The N1 bit will be confirmed by the histology report after surgery - I had 2/17 lymph nodes affected but my friend (who was initially the same staging) was found to have none. I’d never been in hospital before my diagnosis but everything was explained before hand and I was well looked after. I’ve just had my 5 year scan showing no evidence of the disease.

Quote from @nikkinoo:
Afternoon all…
My husband & I met with his consultant/surgeon and the Colorectal nurse on Friday…
His cancer is T3N0M0… ( this may change after surgery when they look at the lymph nodes)
Surgery is booked for 25th January..
My husband is in a terrible state, his anxiety is through the roof…On Friday he almost fainted when we were being spoken to…he told me this morning that he doesn’t want surgery! I’m sorry to say I lost it, and accused him of being selfish. I know he’s scared but so am I and I can’t always be strong. Sorry everyone I just needed to get this of my chest.

Hello
My partner put on a brave face but was convinced he would die on the operating table. It was so upsetting and stressful knowing how scared he really was.
He made it through just fine though and I got to say "told you so" to him.
He had his op on22ns Dec 21, and is doing OK.
It is such a stressful time, for you as well. I think people sometimes don't understand how these things can impact the family. Keep your chin up, love and strength to you both.

Hi… my husband had his right hemicolectomy yesterday.. he’s doing ok (in pain but it was only yesterday) your partner sounds just like my husband, he was so scared of the surgery, his anxiety was through the roof and he was so emotional…I did wonder how I was going to get him to the hospital! How long was your partner in hospital? )

Quote from @MaGriff:
Hello
My partner put on a brave face but was convinced he would die on the operating table. It was so upsetting and stressful knowing how scared he really was.
He made it through just fine though and I got to say "told you so" to him.
He had his op on22ns Dec 21, and is doing OK.
It is such a stressful time, for you as well. I think people sometimes don't understand how these things can impact the family. Keep your chin up, love and strength to you both.

He was in for 9 days. He was calm on the outside but I knew he was thinking the worst...he was near tears a few times.
He was in a lot of pain for two or 3 days after his surgery but then they got his pain relief right.
It's a lot to take in but it gets a bit easier once you start getting your head around it. It all happens so quickly so it's a shock to the system.