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Sally-Ann

He Refuses To See The Doctor

Hi Everybody,
This is my first post and I am really hoping for some advice with regards to my husband.
He has been unwell for a while, it started with slight rectal bleeding, sudden urges to use the bathroom after eating (within 5 mins of eating) a loss of appetite, and feeling sick. A few weeks down the road and he is losing weight, lethargic, and barely eating a thing. I know he is scared, but he refuses to see the doctor about his symptoms.

Do the symptoms sound like they could be cancer ? and if so how do I persuade him to seek help? I have tried everything and he is so worried about Covid, hospitals, and colonoscopies. He had blood tests for his routine diabetic review which showed high sugars despite him not eating anything that could cause this, he also had a high rheumatoid factor, but they did not test for anything else as they were unaware of the problems my poor hubby Is suffering. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Lucy118

@Sally-Ann, I’m so sorry you have these worries. It really is worth doing what you can to persuade your husband to see his GP. It may be lots of things but he really needs to be checked out, so that he can get treatment for whatever it is. If it does turn out to be bowel cancer it is treatable and often curable. Good luck in your persuading to see his GP :x::x::x:

Tiffany

@Sally-Ann. I am so sorry that your husband is feeling so unwell. I would urge him to go the GP immediately. I am afraid to say that you do mention symptoms that one would associate with Bowel Cancer. The longer he puts this off the worse it could become and personally I would insist now. Whatever this is it cannot continue to go on untreated. Please come back and let us know what happens. Sending love and thinking of you both. Tiffany :x:

Gary12345

@Sally-Ann yeah its definitely worth getting that looked at. Honestly my opinion bring him to AandE . That's how my father's tumour was found Cause the doctor said for months it was just piles . And we just brought him to the hospital because the pain was getting worse ....And you could be waiting months for colonoscopy by going to the GP . Just tell them he needs to be seen and you're not leaving

Baxter2

Hi @Sally-Ann and welcome to the forum.

I wonder if perhaps if your husband is not prepared to listen to your concerns and advice, he has another trusted friend or family member who could persuade him? His symptoms do sound worrying and I believe a GP would certainly take him seriously. This must be so very hard for you and I really do feel for you. Maybe show him your post and replies and try to talk him round? We're all right here for you both going forward!

Good luck amd lots of love,

Karen 🌺🌼🌸🌻🌷

Wegwe

Hi @Sally-Ann, I agree with the others that your husband should be seen by a doctor. Who is treating him for his diabetes? Is this a person he could talk to about his worries?

Ali

@Sally-Ann sorry to hear about your husband. I agree with the comments above that the longer he leaves it the worse it could become. I ended up with a blockage from my tumour and having an emergency operation after being constipated for 8 days which was not pleasant. I too worried about the colonoscopy but I have no memory of it as they pretty much knock you out while doing it. The worst bit is the stuff you take the day before to clear your bowels! Anyway, I hope he sees sense and contacts his GP at least. All the best at this worrying time

Ali :x::x:

Sally-Ann
Quote from @Lucy118:
@Sally-Ann, I’m so sorry you have these worries. It really is worth doing what you can to persuade your husband to see his GP. It may be lots of things but he really needs to be checked out, so that he can get treatment for whatever it is. If it does turn out to be bowel cancer it is treatable and often curable. Good luck in your persuading to see his GP

Thank you so much for your comments, I had another go at discussing it with him last night, but he is convinced he is not going to the hospital because he may catch covid. As you pointed out, it is treatable/curable if caught early, I`m just praying he has a bit of a think about it now.

Sally-Ann
Quote from @Tiffany:
@Sally-Ann. I am so sorry that your husband is feeling so unwell. I would urge him to go the GP immediately. I am afraid to say that you do mention symptoms that one would associate with Bowel Cancer. The longer he puts this off the worse it could become and personally I would insist now. Whatever this is it cannot continue to go on untreated. Please come back and let us know what happens. Sending love and thinking of you both. Tiffany

Thank you Tiffany, I will. I hope he will eventually accept that he needs to see the Doctor, I feel so bad for him as he is obviously scared, but if it is nothing too sinister it may even set his mind to rest. :x:

Sally-Ann
Quote from @Gary12345:
@Sally-Ann yeah its definitely worth getting that looked at. Honestly my opinion bring him to AandE . That's how my father's tumour was found Cause the doctor said for months it was just piles . And we just brought him to the hospital because the pain was getting worse ....And you could be waiting months for colonoscopy by going to the GP . Just tell them he needs to be seen and you're not leaving

Thanks Gary, I will do exactly that if I convince him to visit the GP. I`m so sorry about your Dad`s experience, it`s scary to think it can be missed like that.

Sally-Ann
Quote from @Baxter2:
Hi @Sally-Ann and welcome to the forum.

I wonder if perhaps if your husband is not prepared to listen to your concerns and advice, he has another trusted friend or family member who could persuade him? His symptoms do sound worrying and I believe a GP would certainly take him seriously. This must be so very hard for you and I really do feel for you. Maybe show him your post and replies and try to talk him round? We're all right here for you both going forward!

Good luck amd lots of love,

Karen 🌺🌼🌸🌻🌷

Hi Baxter, thank you and it is nice to meet you all. I never thought about trying that approach. He does have a good friend who he may just listen to. I will definitely have a chat with him and see if he could help. I will show him this thread also, it has reassured me and I am sure it would help him a lot too. :x::x:

Sally-Ann
Quote from @Wegwe:
Hi @Sally-Ann, I agree with the others that your husband should be seen by a doctor. Who is treating him for his diabetes? Is this a person he could talk to about his worries?

Hi @Wegwe,
Our nurse practitioner treats his diabetes and after the blood tests, she suggested sending him to a Rhuematologist, but she is not aware of these symptoms and he is too scared/embarrassed to speak to her.

Sally-Ann
Quote from @Ali:
@Sally-Ann sorry to hear about your husband. I agree with the comments above that the longer he leaves it the worse it could become. I ended up with a blockage from my tumour and having an emergency operation after being constipated for 8 days which was not pleasant. I too worried about the colonoscopy but I have no memory of it as they pretty much knock you out while doing it. The worst bit is the stuff you take the day before to clear your bowels! Anyway, I hope he sees sense and contacts his GP at least. All the best at this worrying time

Ali

Hi @Ali
I`m sorry to hear that you have had such a hard time with the blockage and everything, it all sounds so scary I am going to show your comment to my husband as I`m sure it will help, coming from somebody who has already experienced it themself. I really appreciate you sharing that, I feel a little less worried about convincing him that the colonoscopy isn`t quite as horrendous as he thinks. :x::x:

Mark McC

Hi @Sally-Ann

I received an invitation for routine bowel cancer screening when I turned fifty-five. Ironically I was too scared to go for it, because like @Ali says i was more worried about the thought of the colonoscopy than what it might find 🙄, then at 58 I was diagnosed with mid rectal cancer and don’t recall anything painful while the colonoscopy was going on . Before diagnosis I’d get sudden urges after eating and occasional blood in poo then chronic constipation just prior to diagnosis thanks to the tumour. Us blokes tend to ignore the signs by feigning stoicism unfortunately. Admittedly the gunk you have to drink to empty yourself out before hand is a chore. I hope you can persuade him to see a doctor as if there is anything untoward going on early diagnosis is key.

All the best.

Leaguefan

Hi @Sally-Ann
Difficult one to comment on except to say I went to the GP and was fast tracked through the system and now lead a life as previously with just a slight change in toilet habits.
No chemo, no stoma and a T1 N0 M0 tumour which necessitated a Lower Anterior Resection.
I realise how fortunate I am to be in this position because it was caught early. It is treatable and "curable".
I have to go through the 5 year protocol before NED is pronounced but life is continuing very well.
Hope this may be of some assistance

stevejl

Hi @Sally-Ann I agree with @Mark McC about the bloke thing.I convinced myself the blood in my stools was piles right up to my colonoscopy which I had agreed to following my fit test showed blood in my stool.I watched my colonoscopy & saw the cause which was a 5cm tumour which i have since had removed.
Like your husband I only wanted to hear it was non-cancer related which a large percentage of cases are .
Was I scared before the colonoscopy yes am I really glad today I had it yes as it got caught early enough to be treated.
was I terrified after diagnosis yes I was but in hindsight my cancer team has been great.
Has the past six months been hard yes it has but I am positive about the future.
Am I really glad I got checked out when I did yes I am.
I have been in Hospital three times during the covid crisis & can assure your husband the covid protocols were very strict & I never caught covid on all 3 stays(11 days in total ) plus my out patient appointments.
Sending love & hugs to you & your husband
Take care
:x::x::x::x::x:

freyaburmesejanet

I do hope your husband can be encouraged to contact his GP. Mine now 67, had avoided the National screening at 60 and I didn’t know until I quizzed him about it when my own invitation appeared 18 months later. After a lot of hard talk from me - his brother had died of BC aged 50 - he agreed to take part. Nearly 3 years ago I noticed he was having changed bowel habits, I mentioned it to him and he waited to see if they resolved, they didn’t but a few months later he had a clear National screening test - I almost fell off my chair with shock - I stopped nagging and worrying - big mistake!
This summer I thought he was losing weight, he told me that it was muscle as we had not been so active during lockdown. Then when we were out walking, I was getting up hills faster than him - hurray, I thought , I’m getting so fit!
Finally he went to see a podiatrist for his fungal toe (after years of nagging) she couldn’t treat him, it was in the nail bed, and told him to contact GP for anti fungal tabs, which he did. GP prescribed tabs but wanted baseline bloods as drug v toxic. Surprise Suprise. Anaemia. So he had to answer the questions - change in bowel habit, weight etc. Referred to 14 day cancer screening, and here we are. Surgery 7 weeks ago and 7 days into first round of Capox chemotherapy. He had tumour and 2 cancerous nodes removed. I was v angry because if he had acted sooner, he may not have had affected nodes - but who knows! And I know he was terrified and head in the sand, it might just go away.
I do hope your husband gets a proper opinion soon.

cw1988

Hi Sally-Ann, I really feel for you I had a similar problem with my husband although not quite as stubborn as your hubby I don’t think. My husband (Tom) had bleeding on and off and pains along with going to the loo a lot. He had to produce a sample for the GP and it was positive for Helicobacter which he needed antibiotics for. This happened jan 21 and again March 21. The symptoms weren’t going though and something just didn’t feel right so I pushed him to go back. As he works offshore he was always too busy which infuriated me. Thankfully our doctors are amazing and as I suffer with horrendous anxiety they know me well! He finally agreed to go back again only this time I had already spoke to them to mention his symptoms.

The GP decided a colonoscopy was needed, this was due to happen in August. Typical of Tom, there was always something that got in the way so it was put off numerous times. The doctors reassured us his bloods where all good and although the FIT test confirmed there was blood, the levels weren’t hightened much.

He finally got round to the colonoscopy on our boys 2nd birthday (29th November) and he called me to say the doctor needed me there as he had sedation- I knew right then there was a problem. The doctor explained he was very concerned about a 2cm sessile lesion in his rectum and we asked if in his opinion it was cancer, he again repeated he was VERY concerned.

MRI and CT scan followed this and I was hysterical. Tom went back to work - it’s strange how people behave in a different way.

Anyway at 35 years old it was confirmed he did have rectal cancer. Now for the better news…. So far they believe it’s stage 1 and scans are all reassuring. He goes for TEMS surgery on the 9th feb which isn’t a hugely invasive op more a procedure. We will then find out if they think they have caught it all.

Sorry for the long story but what I’m trying to get to is he needs to get these symptoms evaluated. Best case scenario it’s nothing serious. Worst case scenario it’s the horrid c BUT there are soooo many options/treatments now. Once you get your head around that it gets better. This site has been my bible- I’ve stopped with doctor google because it’s not good for anyone with anxiety.

I hope for you both it turns out to be nothing at all serious but push him as much as you can, you will be the bad one and I’m sure you’ll have cross words (we had many and still do!) but it doesn’t matter as long as you find out what’s going on! I hope you can persuade him to get a check over :x::x: