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claresummer

Going alone

Hi, me again. Sorry.
I have an appointment with the surgeon next week to discuss all the scan, biopsy results and to say what exactly is going on and what the treatment plan is. I am a divorced single mum to 3 children (18,16,12 yrs old). My mum wants to come with me and so does my friend. I don’t want either to come with me as I am so scared about what is going to be said I don’t want to have to deal with other peoples emotions. Everyone says I shouldn’t be alone. Does anyone have any advice?

Wegwe

Hi @claresummer, I get your point about not wanting to deal with other people’s emotions. However, whenI had my own first meeting met my surgeon, my memory wasn’t functioning as well as it normally does. I was glad my husband had been with me; between us, we remembered most of what had been said. Do you think either your mom or your friend could be there just as an extra listener? Alternatively, someone could listen on the phone, if that works better for you.
Good luck for the meeting.

claresummer

I just feel so embarrassed by it all and hate fuss being on me. I just want to be alone, but then also feel so lonely I really don’t know what to do for the best. Wish it would just go away 😢

Amanda Sandham

I did all mine alone - mainly because of COVID. I took a notebook with me where I'd written questions to ask. I wrote down what was said to me but was also given lots of leaflets and contact numbers in case I needed to ask anything else . All the staff I dealt with gave me lots of time and tried to answer even my most ridiculous questions. Do it whatever way is best for you. Good luck with getting things sorted :x:

Liz Blakelands

@claresummer Please don't apologise for posting, this is where you can find support and answers.

I do think it is a good idea to take someone with you because it can be difficult to take in everything that is said. But you need to choose your person, and that person must be there for you. They must understand it is all above you, how you feel and how it affects you. I had a choice of 2 sisters and I chose the one who I knew was a good listener and would accept whatever was said by the medical team and be able to ask relevant questions.

It is a really good idea to have a list of questions. When I made my list it really made me face up to my fears. I am the sort of person who wants to know so I ask the question. I went through that list with my sister before the meeting so that got some of the emotion out. We both had a paper copy of the questions in the meeting. I was lucky and thankfully a lot of questions were not needed.

One of the colorectal nurses was also in the meeting, who said very little during the meeting with the surgeon but after we left the surgeon the nurse, my sister and me continued to discuss what the surgeon had said and what I felt about it.

Good luck with the meeting :x::x:

claresummer

I have no idea what questions to ask? I just don’t understand what is happening or going to happen 😢 it’s all so scary. Hopefully I will understand better when I have the meeting :x:

Lirio345

Hi @claresummer, the Charity has composed some suggestions for questions to ask, the links are below. There are a lot but you can choose which ones are important to you once the surgeon has explained everything. Take very good care, Kim :x::x:

bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/...kAfterDiagnosis_BowelCancerUK.pdf

bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/...rSpecialistTeam_BowelCancerUK.pdf

bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/...kAboutTreatment_BowelCancerUK.pdf

claresummer

That’s brilliant thank you so much. I think I will write a few of these down and just go by myself. That way I don’t need to worry about other peoples feelings and I can choose how much I tell people :x::x: