Donate
Beating bowel cancer together

Younger people with bowel cancer

You can find lots of useful information for younger people on our website, as well as details of our Never Too Young campaign.

YogiSarah

My husband has been told it's stage 4 and incurable... Help please.

Hello, I'm a newbie here and just looking for some advice on how on earth to cope please. My fit and well husband, aged 38, was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer on Friday. It has spread to his lungs and liver and is inoperable. They have said that he just has to have chemo to buy him time and depending on how he and the cancer react to it, he could have a year left or could still be going in 4 years, but it's impossible to know at the moment and we just have to wait and see. We have three children aged 4, 2 and 7 months. I am heartbroken for all of us and just cannot see how people cope with such news. I know I need to for the sake of him and my kids, but I feel like all we have ahead of us now is pain and waiting for death (I'm trying to live in the moment and be grateful he is here now but my mind cannot stop thinking of the future and what it will mean for us). Any advice at all would be much appreciated please. Thank you for reading.

Lirio345

Hello @YogiSarah, a very warm welcome to the forum although I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. You must both be absolutely devastated and need time to start to process this.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 Bowel Can er over 7 years ago so any projections of life expectancy can be taken with a pinch of salt, - they simply do not know how individuals will respond to treatment.

You will find the coming weeks difficult as you come to terms with the new terminology that will play a big part in your lives., so take your time.

I have added some information below but again take your time, you cannot read and absorb everything at once.

For young people there is a Never2Young campaign and excellent FB group. There is also a ‘Living with Stage 4 Bowel Cancer -UK’ FB group that comes under this Charity and has very extensive experience and knowledge about Stage 4 treatments.

Please ask us anything you wish and be very kind to yourselves, Kim :x::x::x:

www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigning/never-too-young/

www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/...s/treating-advanced-bowel-cancer/

Liz Blakelands

@YogiSarah Welcome to the forum but really sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. Devastating news which is really difficult to take in.

All I can say is that everyone is a individual and not a statistic. Lots of people are on this forum who had a terrible diagnosis years ago and are still here and leading a good life.

Please take time to absorb the news and be kind to yourselves. Massive hug, Liz :x::x:

Zara

Hey @YogiSarah. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 spread to his liver 5 years ago. Fast forward 5 years he has just had a clear colonoscopy and is NED. It is so hard and everyone is so different but keep strong, take each day as it comes. What is inoperable at the moment could become operable after some chemo. Its very early days and once you see the consultant there will be a plan in place to fight this awful disease. Thinking of you :x::x::x:

hetty

Hi @YogiSarah
Am sorry your husband has had this news.
I’ve been going nearly 7 years different surgeries trying different chemos am still here albeit with some lung mets .
I agree with all the replies above take your time and wait for a plan from your husbands team you will feel so much better then.
Thinking of you and believe me I’ve gone all though this you are not alone.
Hetty :x::x::x:

lorrainet

Hi @YogiSarah my first time on this site, my partner is 42 got diagnosed with stage 4 spread to peritoneal, lymph nodes and various other places, we’d switched off listening by this point!! He’s on his 4th lot of chemo this Thursday and he’s just started a new treatment called panitumumab. It’s been a rough few months, but we’ve promised each other not to Google! Just use this and the Macmillan site. All I can advise you is to ask the nurses/ drs anything you can think, don’t feel daft for asking it, and take a note pad with you to any apps. Not sure what area you live in but our hospitals feel the need to send us letters that gets sent to all the other drs/ consultants, We just ‘file’ them as soon as they come as sometimes it hits hard when you read things in black and white :x: thinking of you all :x:

Forum user

It is understandable that you are heartbroken @YogiSarah your taking in a massive shock and info that your don’t want to hear. I know some lovely peeps who have been told they are incurable and they are still here. There is always hope lovely. Ask as many questions as you can, write down before you attend appointments, remember we are here for you too. Take care :x::x::x:

YogiSarah

I’m so sorry, I’ve just realised I never replied to say thank you so much for all of your reassuring and compassionate responses. I just read them again when having a very down moment and they helped. Thank you. I hope everyone is doing ok :x::x::x:

Liz Blakelands

@YogiSarah

Hi
Please don't apologise, I'm just glad that the messages helped in a small way.
How are things with you?
Big hug
Liz :x::x:

Deano65

Sorry to hear your news. I was diagnosed in May 2017 with spread to lymph nodes, liver and lungs and given probably a year to live. I have been on panitumumab for 5 years now. After the first year my liver and lungs were clear and I was a miracle as they could operate. I had a section of my bowel removed and my lymph nodes. It has never returned in my bowel or liver but I do have small tumours in my lungs. I am on dose 79 this week and live each day as it comes. Being positive will really help. I know how hard it was at first but stay strong.