Stage 4 bowel cancer

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claresummer

Will the mood get better?

Hi, sorry to be negative.
Since being diagnosed in May I haven’t been able to think of anything other than blooming cancer!
Just can’t focus on anything for longer than a few minutes without the urge to cry and feel sorry for myself. I have an appointment Friday 8th with oncologist and will hopefully find out what chemo I will be having and when it will start. I’m hoping I will feel better then? I just hate this miserable bitter person I am turning into, and as the days pass I just feel worse and worse. Please tell me it gets easier???

jotty

Sorry to hear you are going through the stage we all have at some point, in my case after living with this relentless disease for 18 months I still have very good days and the odd immensely low one. You are not alone don't forget, you will read advice and think "yeh right" but trust me it all means something. You have something that we are all told will kill us, usually by those who don't have it, but there are many many options nowadays. My advice and its something I have only just done is find a local Macmillans and call in for a chat (rather than on the phone) as they can truly help.

claresummer

I’m lucky to have a very good Maggies near by. They help for that moment that I am there and as soon as I walk out the door it hits me that I am all alone in this.

claresummer

Sorry. Ignore me I’m just being stupid :x::x::x::x:

jotty

No no you are not being stupid, I have been down since I watched the Dame Deborah doc the other night, and cry at a moments notice despite being a 59yr old ex old time copper. No one is immune to the vast range of emotions. Enjoy the good days but learn to appreciate how bad the bad ones can feel.

Mark McC

Hi @claresummer

There will be emotional ups and downs during your BC journey, I actually had my biggest emotional extremes after treatment finished, so it will hit us all at different times and in different ways. The important thing is to accept emotional lows but let them work out if your system as it’s understandable to go through a rollercoaster. Don’t bottle it up, talk to others on this forum.

In a way it becomes easier once you have a full treatment plan in place as it feels like progress towards recovery and gives you something to focus on.

Stay strong and good luck with the oncologist.

claresummer

Sorry I just don’t want to bring everyone down with my low mood, really struggling sorry

Liz Blakelands

@claresummer
Hi Clare

I'm sorry you are feeling very alone. There are a lot of ups and downs on the BC journey and please believe me that it does become easier to deal with. You end up training your mind to stay in the moment and keep busy doing things you enjoy with people you enjoy being with.

It isn't long since your diagnosis and you are still trying to deal with it. You have also had to tell your Mum and children which much have been so very hard. Are you able to talk to your mum or a friend about how you feel?

Summer is here, decide on some nice things to do with your children. (I know they are teenagers so they may have different ideas.) Have something to look forward to each week no matter how small really helps.

Good luck with the oncologist :x::x:

claresummer

Sorry, just having a bad day. If I knew how to delete this post I would sorry :x::x:

Dyslexicimp

Hi @claresummer I think its a natural emotion, your brain becomes hyper aware of your situation and reminds you frequently and shows your worst fears in glorious technicolour at times. I was diagnosed at the begining of June. I have downloaded the Calm app and Headspace. I suffer anxiety and depression and I do find that listening to these helps for a while. I also set a little goal each week. This week I am goingto treat myself to a coffee and cake at a local Herb grower/book shop near where I live. Take it steady. We are all here for you :x::x:

Lirio345

Morning @claresummer,

I do hope that you are feeling a little more settled this morning 🤞🏻

Just to address your point about deleting a post, if you go to the top right hand corner of your post and click on the little arrow, you will see a drop down menu that includes the ‘delete’ option.

However please don’t ever feel that you are bringing others down by sharing you feelings, - this forum is absolutely about ups and downs. Take very good care, Kim :x::x:

claresummer

No not feeling any better this morning. Went to a very dark place last night. Need to find away to get out of this mood.

Lirio345

Hi again @claresummer, so sorry to hear this. Please thinking about ringing Macmillan for a chat on tel:08088080000, Kim :x::x:

sy

Hi @claresummer, sorry to hear that you are still feeling low.
As Kim suggested ring Macmillan for a chart. They there 8am -8pm and can refer you for further support.
Hopefully that will help. Sometimes you need support to get out of the dark place. Big hug. Take care. :x: SY

Titanicgirl

Please don't delete your posts! You reached out, and we're here to catch you. It takes guts to admit to being down, because people think we somehow 'adapt' very quickly, and batter on with life like cancer is just another one of life's little problems. So, you have every right to throw temper tantrums at Mother Nature, have giant teenage-style gloom strops and stamp your foot in fury. I'm lucky, I have a pal who has been through this and is my rock solid support, and my lovely longsuffering husband. You sound like the kinda gal who has good friends around you. Are you in contact with specialist nurses at your hospital? I find them great. And us. We are here. It does get better. Dunno how, but it does. I'm 3 years since diagnosis for Bowel, 4 since breast. It does get easier. It's a Rollercoaster, tho nit denying that. Never hesitate to reach out. We're here. Unless I'm playing with my new kitten, that is....sure you understand!

bettyb1987

Just to reiterate what others have said @claresummer never feel bad for reaching out or venting - that's what we are all here for - the good the bad and the ugly! This forum has been such a support to me at my lowest moments. I advocate too for Macmillan they were great to have a chat with. All my best, B :x::x::x:

claresummer

Thank you everyone I do appreciate the kind words and advice. I have arranged to go in to Maggies tomorrow morning. Just wish someone had a magic wand to make this all disappear, but I guess we all feel that way :x::x:

jotty

You need to just remind yourself how majestically brave you are to reach out and accept you need help, sadly many don’t. You will get through this, absolutely definitely- just don’t forget how tough you are right now with all the people reading this standing side by side with you.

claresummer

That’s a lovely thing to say @jotty I am really not feeling strong and doubting my ability to get through this! But thank you :x::x:

Liz Blakelands

@claresummer
Good morning
You are strong and you will get through this. We are all here to help you.
Liz :x::x:

louise28

hi @claresummer im sorry about your situation. It is worse in many ways at the beginning because there is no sense of a plan and its a total shock. I had a recurrence last year and it took me ages to think I would ever feel okay again, but I did eventually. YOu develop coping strategies along the way. Hopefully you will have a good response to chemo and then surgery may become possible. It is important not to lose hope! so many positive stories out there :x::x::x: